My phone beeps again. I pick it up in one hand, baby in the other. I push the home button and scroll to the text that just came in from a friend. Yes, we are still meeting up. I place it on the counter as Lily tries to grab it from my hand. Five minutes later my phone makes the all-too-familiar sound informing me something is happening in my social media world. This time it’s someone tagging me on Facebook. I glance at it quickly and then stuff it into my diaper bag and start to corral Luke with one hand and buckle Lily in her car seat with my other hand. We’re five minutes late leaving the house. We get down the stairs, out the door, into car seats and I sigh the sigh every mother lets out once the kids are buckled safely into the seats they cannot escape from. I start the car just as my phone lights up with another text from my friend. She’s running late, too.
Phones, Tablets, Televisions, Screens. They all equate to moments, minutes, hours of distraction. Distraction is defined as ‘a thing that prevents someone from giving full attention to something else’. My phone beeps, I take my attention away from my baby. It lights up, my attention is taken away, yet again, from getting out the door. It makes the all-too-familiar sound and I am checking it to be sure I’m not missing anything. And, of course I’m not.
In my story above from a little over two years ago, nothing tragic happened. No one was seriously injured. My kids were still living, still breathing even though I checked my phone three times in ten minutes. There was no destruction from my distraction. Or was there?
Since that time, I have been trying to change my distraction habits a bit. Don’t get me wrong, I am plenty distracted almost my entire life because #children. But, I am working on, striving, journeying towards not being distracted by other things. More precisely, my phone. My email, texts, Facebook, Instagram, Marco Polo, Whats App, Amazon, Etsy, Pinterest, Messenger. All the things that compete for my attention with their dings and lights and notifications.
About a year ago I shut off most of the notifications on my phone. I no longer am notified if someone tags me on Instagram or Facebook, if someone likes my posts or comments on them. I’m not notified if I get a new email, or if someone messaged me on Messenger or Whats App or Marco Polo. The only notifications I have turned on come from my text messages and I have debated turning those off as well. Why?
Distraction, my friends. I found a year ago I was manically checking my phone way too often than I’d like to admit. I checked every email that came across my screen as soon as I saw it and I was close to obsessive about the likes and comments on Facebook and Instagram. I was craving the next ding, whether I knew it or not. Not only was I craving something completely not worthwhile, that craving took me away from the people right in front of me. It took me away from seeing my one year old giggle at her brother and from the game of hide and seek my two littles were playing in a room. It took me away from giving myself completely to a friend’s story when we were together. It took me away from my husband. Many nights after the babes were in bed I was swiping my finger across a screen instead of having a real, live conversation with my best friend. It took me away from the life that was right in front of me.
An article published by Saga Briggs at informED stated adults spends over 20 hours online each week, with a third of that time spent on social media. The article also discusses the impact of digital media on the brain. Attention, memory, thought, empathy, meta-awareness, and attitude are six specific areas in which the digital world can affect our brains. The one that struck me the most was empathy. In his book The Shallows, Nicholas Carr writes: “Distractions could make it more difficult for us to experience deep emotions,” he explains. “This kind of culture of constant distraction and interruption undermines not only the attentiveness that leads to deep thoughts, but also the attentiveness that leads to deep connections with other people.”
I am writing about this now because a few months back our church had Skye Jethani speak and his sermon was on technology. He spoke on phones and social media in particular. Skye gave me a refresher on some bad habits I needed to break (I was carrying my phone around in my pocket) and some good ones I needed to bring back (like taking a sabbatical from social media). Skye also discussed the way technology is changing our brains. I needed this wake up call to recenter and refocus on what is truly important. And my phone just isn’t it.
Now, I am still on social media. I am still connecting with friends on various platforms. I am not a luddite. I still enjoy social media…a lot. I am just trying to implement boundaries now. Turning off notifications was a start to the boundaries I needed. I check my email and other media a few times a day, usually when the kids are sleeping or busy playing. I am trying really hard to place my phone by my computer when I’m at home instead of carrying it in my pocket. I do my best to avoid mindlessly scrolling through Facebook as much as possible because I have found it’s just not good for my mood or my brain. And I allow myself grace to not respond to every text, email, or message immediately. And I know my friends are extending me grace as well. (Thanks, girls!)
I still have a long ways to go. I still catch myself moving towards bad habits at times and find I need to course correct again and again and again. And I think I always will. In our ever changing, technology driven world, I’m afraid distraction will always be an obstacle. But, I don’t want distraction to become my normal. I want to be intentional, active to combat it so I don’t lose sight of the things that matter most: the people right in front of me.