It was a random weekday morning. It had been a few weeks since we returned from our Intentional Living Experiment in Texas. The sun was shining and it was a surprising warm day for March. Our two oldest kids were quarreling…again. It had been like this for a week now. Bickering with each other and misbehavior we hadn’t seen while we were away. We had worked on slowly easing back into normal life, but our kids were still struggling.
Goodbye Toys Day
In a ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’ moment, my husband took all the toys away. All of them. He calmly told our two oldest kids to pack all the toys up in their rooms and take them to the basement. I watched in astonishment as they did what my well-meaning husband said, thinking selfishly: WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THESE TWO KIDS GOING TO DO ALL DAY WITHOUT THEIR TOYS. With gritted teeth and a slow head nod, I supported my husband as the kids moved all the toys from their rooms to the spare bedroom in the basement. My husband told the kids the toys would be gone for a week. The timeline was extended after more misbehavior.
Now, some of you may be thinking we are harsh parents. Deprivation and all that. But before you go down that path, let me reassure you. All of the toys weren’t stacked and stored in the basement (even though I said that earlier). The kids still had the shared toys available to all our kids in the toy closet. Magnatiles and wooden blocks, the play kitchen, instruments, matchbox cars.
After the initial shock of bare bedrooms, each day became easier. On the first day, I sat down with each child to make a list of things to do when they were bored and they never once used that list. They played together with the shared toys in the toy closet, went outside more, read, and used pantry and kitchen items to create their own restaurant. I know I’m painting a rosy picture and you could be rolling your eyes, but I’m being real when I say these two kids barely noticed their toys were gone.
Observations
As my husband and I observed their play and realized the affect wasn’t as dramatic as anticipated, we recognized two things: A. This ‘consequence’ might not be that effective since they didn’t miss the toys and B. Our kids need a lot less toys than we think. When our kids were able to get toys back, we slowly added them; each child choosing 3 toys a day. It was incredibly telling to see what each kid picked: some of their choices were expected and others unanticipated.
Selling and Donating
As time went on, our oldest decided he wanted to part with some of his toys for good. He sold Lego kits on Facebook Marketplace and donated toys he decided he no longer wanted. As an experiment and incentive, we decided to offer money for toys donated. If one dollar is worth more to them than a toy, the toy probably didn’t earn space in their room. Many toys went out the door and with each one toy clean up became quicker and the overwhelm diminished.
Reflections
Was taking all our kids toys away a good thing? For our family, yes. I’ll be honest when I say I was a bit worried, skeptical, and anxiety ridden those first few days. But, it challenged us all to do with less and it was good.
Prior to the goodbye toys day, we had been pretty minimal when it came to toys, or so I thought. However, we still had overflowing bins and about 5,000 too many Lego pieces. This was an opportunity for us and our kids to recalibrate and decide what was enough and what toys they really enjoyed playing with on a daily basis. Turns out, the shared toys are toys they really enjoy and those toys foster playing together. Blocks, magnatiles, instruments, matchbox cars, a doctor kit. These toys saw and continue to see a lot of action as the kids play with them together. For us, getting rid of the excess toys allowed our kids more time together.
I want to be clear that there is still bickering…on a daily basis. They are kids after all: learning to problem solve and get along and learning how to be unselfish (this is so hard). But, it’s different than the bickering we saw before the goodbye toy day. It’s mostly productive and the kids are doing the good work of childhood: learning how to be a person living with other people.
Moving Forward
Moving forward we hope to slow the stream of toys coming in. My husband and I became a little lazy when it came to buying our kids toys pre-goodbye toys day. There were times we purchased toys unintentionally, which does not align with our values. We are hoping to get back to the basics: toys at Christmas and birthdays and possibly for challenges or goals met.
When toys do come in through other sources (and they will), we will use the one in, one out rule. Anytime a new toy comes in, another toy goes out. My husband and I practice what we preach in this area with the things we bring into our home. One swimsuit in, one swimsuit out. Four pairs of socks in, four pairs of socks out. One coffee mug in, one coffee mug out.
We have already seen how fewer toys have impacted our kids in positive ways: less overwhelm, less time cleaning up, and more purposeful play together.
A positive impact of the goodbye toys day for my husband and I has been monetary. When our son was selling his Lego kits for a fraction of what he or we paid for them, it gave us a wake up call to realize how much money we spent on temporary toys. Moving forward we hope to purchase less toys. When we do make toy purchases for birthdays and Christmas, we are going to experiment using Facebook Marketplace and Ebay for gifts. We know this won’t be easy because Amazon in two days is sooooo convenient. But, it’s definitely worth a try.
In Conclusion
Our kids still have toys. They are not deprived. They are not sitting in empty rooms. Our kids have enough for our family and our lifestyle. Our goodbye toys day was an exciting, unexpected turning point in our simplicity journey and one that helped us learn more about who we are as a family and what we value.
We value time together going on walks and reading and bike rides and dancing to music in the kitchen. We value saying yes to family ice cream dates and new books and using our resources to make memories traveling together.
Every single family is different and every family’s ‘enough’ looks different. Taking away all the toys won’t work for everyone. For some families, it could look like paring down to half the toys or letting go of 5-10 toys. Or it might look like rotating toys from a toy closet. Or maybe it means simply being intentional about what toys come in from here on out. Intentionality when it comes to toys has been an incredibly valuable way for our family to do with less and have more time for what matters.
How can you be intentional with toys today?