Vanessa, Author at A Simpler Motherhood

February 25, 2020February 28, 2020 Vanessa

Simplify the Morning and Evening

A Simpler Childhood, A Simpler Motherhood

The quality of our lives often depends on the quality of our habits. -James Clear

Have your mornings ever looked like a baby on your hip at 6:45 a.m., spilled milk and a Cheerio littered floor at 7:00 a.m. and someone complaining about another someone at 7:01 a.m.? #allthehandsareraised Or maybe it’s just me?

Or how about your evenings? Has your evening ever looked like dirty dishes in the sink, two kids in the bathtub and bedtime was 10 minutes ago? Me too.

I don’t know about you, but mornings and evenings seem to be some of the toughest parts of the day. The transition from sleep to awake and from awake to sleep are complicated.

One way I have found to make the beginnings and endings to our days a bit smoother and a bit more enjoyable is to simplify them with a morning and evening routine; both for me and the kids. What is contained within these routines have changed more times than I can count due to our ever changing season of life. But one thing I have learned:

It doesn’t matter what is in the routine, it just matters it is there.

I’m (slowly) coming out of the newborn stage. My youngest son is (almost) 7 months old and I am inching my way towards a morning routine that includes things for me.

Why routine?

In the Harvard Business Review, Sarah Green Carmichael wrote an article on the importance of routine. She referenced the book Daily Rituals: How Artists Work and cited the geniuses in the book all had routines that were essential to their work. If Jane Austen and Beethoven believe routines to be necessary, I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt the rest of us.

Excellence is an art won by training and habituation…We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. -Aristotle

Kids thrive in repetition and routine and we do, too. We free up brain space when routines become automatic and we don’t have to think about what to do next after we pour our first cup of coffee. Thinking through and automating a morning and evening routine allows us to get the things done we want to and frees up brain space in the process.

What do you want?

The first thing to figure out is what needs to get done every morning and every evening. List writers will enjoy this part. Begin with the morning and make a list of everything that needs to be done either for you or your kids and then do the same for the evening. You can combine these, but I suggest doing one for you and one for the kids. Below you can find my lists.

MORNING

For myself:

Workout
Shower and get ready for the day
Devotion and Prayer
Read
Write
Drink 2 big cups of water

In an ideal morning, I would like to complete all these things before my babes rise for the day.

For my kids:

Eat breakfast
Get dressed and brush teeth
Complete one chore
Begin schoolwork

what I learned my first year of homeschooling

EVENING

For myself:

Wash face and brush teeth
Kitchen and living room at ground zero (picked up and clean)
Laundry out of the washing machine

For my kids:

Baths and pajamas
Toys and books picked up
Read books
Devotion and good night

Work Backwards

Using the lists we made, we are going to work backwards to see when we need to begin. Next to each morning and evening routine, I am going to list about how many minutes each task takes. Mine are below.

My Morning Routine

Workout: 10-20 minutes
Shower and get ready for the day: 30 minutes
Devotion and Prayer: 10 minutes
Read: 15 minutes
Write: 15 minutes
Drink 2 big cups of water: Done while doing the above

My morning routine takes about 90 minutes to complete. If my kids wake at 6:45-7:00 and I want these to be done before they wake, I need to be up at 5:15-5:30 to begin my routine.

My Kids’ Morning Routine

Eat breakfast: 30 minutes
Get dressed and brush teeth: 5 minutes
Complete one chore: 10 minutes
Begin schoolwork: Ideally at 8:00

My kids’ morning routine adds up to 45 minutes. If I want my oldest to begin school at 8:00, he needs to be up by 7:15.

My Evening Routine

Wash face and brush teeth: 5 minutes
Kitchen and living room at ground zero (picked up and clean): 15 minutes **If you want to simplify your living space check out this post.
Laundry out of the washing machine: 5 minutes

My evening routine takes 25 minutes. I like to have these things done before we start the kids’ bedtime routine. As you will see below, ideally we would start the kids’ bedtime routine at 7:10. I would need to start my evening routine at 6:50 to be ready to help with the kids at 7:10.

My Kids’ Evening Routine

Baths and pajamas: 30 minutes
Toys and books picked up: 10 minutes
Read books: 15 minutes
Devotion and good night: 10 minutes

The total time for the kids’ evening routine is 65 minutes. Yikes. This is why we are always late getting to bed. If we want them in bed at 8:15, we need to start the routine at 7:10.

This task of working backwards helps me visually see when I need to begin our morning and evening routines and completely takes the guesswork out of it. This exercise clearly shows I need to begin the kids’ evening routine at 7:10 and currently we start whenever, sometimes at 7:00, sometimes at 7:30, sometimes right before 8:00, which is probably why we are always late getting the kids down. This will (hopefully) help us moving forward so we aren’t rushing around at the end of the day.

I believe this small tweak of simplifying the morning and evening can create amazing results if we prioritize them and discipline ourselves to be consistent. Tell me: What is in your morning and evening routines?

February 19, 2020February 21, 2020 Vanessa

Simplify the Gathering Space

A Simpler Home

There’s no place like home. -L. Frank Baum

If you close your eyes and think back to your childhood home, what do you see? Hear? Feel? Smell? Taste? What are the clear markers that point you home?

Thinking back to my childhood home, I can smell the garlic that was prominent at dinner time, see my Dad is in his chair watching football, and taste the macaroni and cheese with hot dogs and ‘homemade’ pudding for dessert in those cute plastic dishes. But for me, it’s mostly a feeling. I felt safe. I felt loved. Most of the time it was organized chaos, but it felt like home.

How do I want my home to feel?

Now that I’m a mom, I want my kids to remember and cherish their childhood home. They may not remember a single smell or sound, but I want a good, warm feeling to come over them when they think of home. I want them to remember it was peaceful even with all the people. I want them to remember it was a place they could be completely themselves. I want them to remember it was a place of curiosity, learning, and where there was always room for one more book.

Take Action: Be Thoughtful

How do you want your kids to feel when they think of their childhood home twenty years from now? Truly take a few moments to think about it and jot a few notes down.

What needs to be done so my home can feel how I want it to?

I’m going to take you from big picture to practical quick. I want to be intentional with my home so it can serve the people in it. If I want it to be peaceful, I need less stuff so most of the noise in our home will be coming from us and not the stuff around us. If I want the people in our home to be completely themselves, there needs to be room and space for them to paint or kick a ball or bake or tell stories. And if I want our home to be a home of curiosity and learning, there should be a variety of books always available and spaces for us to snuggle up to read and talk together.

Take Action: Be Intentional

With the notes from the first question, think about what you need to do to get there. If you want a peaceful home, it may require getting rid of visual clutter to make room for one another. If you want to invite people into your home often, it might mean feeling confident and good about your home at all times so you can have an impromptu dinner date with the neighbors. If you want to have a home that’s playful, you might play music and have games within arms reach. Write a few notes listing something intentional you can do for each way you want your home to feel.

Simplifying can help!

However you want your home to feel to you and the people in it, I believe simplifying can help you get there. Simplifying shared living spaces can maximize the quality of time spent with your people. It can enhance everyone’s feeling of home because stuff won’t be in the way.

Don’t misunderstand me. Some of the best days in our home are when the pantry is emptied and the kids are playing grocery store with the real groceries or when the dining room chairs are pulled out and replaced with a city of magnatiles, wooden blocks, cars, and dinosaurs. Our homes are meant to serve us and by getting all of the unnecessary stuff out of the way, they can serve us well.

Where does your family gather?

We are living in the main living area today. I’m going to call it the gathering space. Where does your family spend the most time together? The family room? Kitchen? Basement? Where is your gathering space?

For our family, it’s our great room that includes our kitchen, living room, and dining room.

Look at your gathering space and ask yourself: Is it serving us well?

If it is, you probably can stop reading and go pour yourself a cup of coffee. But if it’s not, maybe some simplifying will help. Keep reading…

Myquillin Smith aka The Nester suggests quieting a space before adding anything or trying to figure out what’s missing. I like the idea of getting rid of all the unnecessary stuff to see what is actually needed.

Four Steps to a Simplified Gathering Space

After choosing the room or rooms in your home where your family gathers, these next steps will help you minimize the stuff to maximize the quality of time with your people.

1. Box It Up

Grab a box and go through the gathering place of your home and put anything in it that doesn’t help make your home feel the way you want it to. If you’re going for peaceful, the battery operated anything goes in the box. If you’re going for playful, the games can stay but the stacks of miscellaneous bills, ads, and magazines can go. Box up anything that doesn’t align with your intentionality for the space.

2. Clear a Surface

I believe wholeheartedly visual clutter matters. Choose one surface in your gathering space to keep clear. For our family, it’s the kitchen island. Besides two candles and sometimes a vase of flowers, nothing is stored here. This doesn’t mean there isn’t anything on it. In fact, plenty of things litter our kitchen island throughout the day: papers and paints for art projects, cutting boards and veggies for lunch, 108 hot wheel cars lined up going to ‘Starbucks’. Those things are the exact reason the island needs to stay clear: to allow the surface to do its job and serve us.

Choose a surface that can serve your family well, clear it off and make it a priority to keep it clear.

3. What do you need?

I’m usually not advocating for people to add things to a room, but because we want our homes to serve our families well, this step could be necessary. What things are needed in your gathering space to make time with your people better? What is missing that will give you and your family that feeling you are after? Is it books? A caddy holding art supplies? A speaker to play music?

About 6 months ago, I made a decision to move almost all our books upstairs to the dining room bookshelf. They were housed in different places around the house, mostly in the basement and I wanted them all in a place we spend lots of time. Moving the books upstairs to our gathering space made them more accessible and a part of our everyday life.

There is a good chance you need only a few items or possibly nothing at all, but think through what needs to be added to the gathering space to make it serve your family.

4. Sort

There is a good chance you have a box of items to sort from ‘quieting’ your space. If you need a break, put them in a closet and sort tomorrow. If you’re feeling motivated, sort these items right away. Put items back where they belong out of the gathering space or find a new home. This is a great time to donate items no longer needed.

Enjoy

Enjoy your reclaimed gathering space! Intentionality and a little time and effort can go a long way to make your home feel the way you want it to and serve your family well. Tell me: What space did you choose to simplify today?

P.S. If you’re looking for more ways to simplify check out Simplify the Closets, 3 Ways to Simplify Today, and How to Declutter by Category.

February 14, 2020February 14, 2020 Vanessa

Simplify the Closets

A Simpler Home, A Simpler Motherhood

So in fact, narrowing down our choices means less overwhelm, and more creativity. -Courtney Carver

Some minimalist influencers suggest starting with clothes when one wants to simplify. We all seem to house our lives in our closets. Our past life, our current life, our future life. The jeans we once wore BC (before children), our favorite lived in tee worn every weekend, and the blouse we bought on sale for that perfect occasion that hasn’t materialized, yet.

Clothes can be incredibly difficult for some and incredibly freeing for others. In my experience, simplifying our closets has brought two things:

More space, less laundry
More creativity, Less overwhelm

How can less clothes=less laundry?

It might seem counter intuitive when I say less clothes=less laundry. But, it absolutely can. With four kids, there is always dirty laundry at our house. Always. But, the less clothes the kids physically have in their closets, the less laundry I have sitting in my dirty laundry basket. I do at least one load of laundry everyday. I put one in the washer in the morning and it must be in the dryer (preferably out and folded) before I go to bed. This simple rhythm aids me in keeping on top of the endless laundry chore.

How does less clothes=more creativity?

Dressing with less allows me to use what I have to put together outfits. Boundaries allow us to be creative and I believe that is true in our closets. When I buy a new piece of clothing, I think about how hard it can work for me. Can it be worn with more than one pair of bottoms or more than one top? Can it be worn for multiple seasons? Can it be paired with various accessories to change up a look? Keeping only the ‘hard working pieces’ in my closet allows for less in my closet overall.

How do I simplify?

I have lost count how many times I have simplified my closet and my babes’ closets. Many, many times. A simpler life is a journey, right? And each time I have simplified a closet, I have done it a slightly different way. I want to share the easiest and fastest way I have done it. Don’t take everything and put it on your bed (unless you really want to…GO YOU!).

A Simpler Approach to Closets

Take a look at your closet, big picture. What do you notice? Do you have clothes from every season in your closet? Are there things you haven’t worn since 7th grade still on hangers? Take a big picture inventory. If this is super overwhelming, you’re doing the right thing by simplifying your closet.
Take everything that isn’t in season right now and box it up. Label the box with the season. (For example, we are in the dead of winter here, so all shorts, tanks, and flip flops can go in the box.)
With only this season’s clothes, go through and sort out items that need mending or altered. Make a plan to get it done within the next week or so. If you know that isn’t going to happen, those items can go into the donate box.
Next, go through and donate anything that doesn’t fit you right now and hasn’t fit you in the last year-ish. You don’t need the past living in your closet.
Touch each piece and ask yourself: Do I love it? Is it beautiful? Do I feel like me in it? Donate (or give to a friend) anything you can’t give a confident ‘yes’. (Side note: I have a super cute, stylish friend who offers me pieces from her closet she is no longer loving and it is such a gift to me. If you know someone who could benefit from items in your closet, ask and then give!)
Donate the clothes as soon as soon as you’re able so they don’t find themselves back in your closet.

This is the most straightforward way I have found to simplify our closets. I have done this with mine as well as all our babes’ closets. I wholeheartedly believe visual clutter matters, even in our closets. Putting away the out of season clothes and donating or giving away things that no longer fit us or we no longer love eliminates some of that visual clutter. This goes for dressers and drawers, too.

Tell me, how do you simplify your closets? What is holding you back from simplifying your clothes? I would love to hear!

January 28, 2020January 28, 2020 Vanessa

Travel with Kids

A Simpler Childhood, A Simpler Motherhood

Some families like to travel and some don’t. I know and love both kinds of people. We are the traveling kind. If you’re in the same boat, this post could be for you.

Travel with kids is unlike travel without kids. (Am I stating the obvious?) There is much more to process, ready, and prepare. However, in my experience, it has always been worth it.

Why do we travel?

Our family chooses to travel for three reasons:

Travel allows for quality time together.
Travel allows us to experience God’s beauty in new ways.
Travel takes us out of our comfort zone and at the same time allows us to rest and relax.

Most of us would agree it is much easier to stay home than take the road trip or fly across the country with kids in tow. It’s common sense. And there are seasons and times when the longing and comfort of home is just what we need. However, since travel is something we value, we make it a priority and we do it.

How do we make travel work?

Travel is a priority for us, but it doesn’t just happen. We have to be intentional. We do two things:

Budget for travel, both with money and time.
Plan.

Because travel is a priority for us, we put aside money each month for it. Instead of new living room furniture, we took a beach trip with the kids this year. Instead of eating out often, we put money towards our travel fund. Twice each month, a set amount is transferred from our checking to our savings account specifically for travel, so we don’t even think about it.

We homeschool, which allows us to be flexible with our schedule. We are able to travel year round, which allows for some savings when it comes to flights, lodging, etc. If you aren’t a homeschooling family, I wholeheartedly believe travel is worth a missed week or so of school.

We plan in advance. Kevin and I have already had a few discussions about travel in 2021. If we want to take the trips, we have to make the plans. And many times that means far in advance so we are able to book the places we want.

Where do we stay?

We almost always stay at a VRBO or Airbnb. With kids, it just makes sense. My biggest reasons a VRBO trumps a hotel are:

There is a kitchen to make meals, keep things cold, and hold snacks.
The kids have their own room and space to move.
LAUNDRY

Laundry is probably my biggest reason for staying in a home or apartment rented from VRBO or Airbnb. We can pack half the stuff we would need and then throw in a load of laundry sometime during our stay. And, we can come home with clean clothes if we want to.

How do we pack?

Light, we pack light. There are some minimalists out there that would say our version of light packing isn’t light at all. But, as James Clear has said: ‘The goal is not to have the least amount of things, but the optimal amount of things.’ We pack as light as we can and each time we travel we learn a bit more about what is needed and what isn’t.

When we travel by plane or in a car longer than a weekend, each child has a backpack and a rolling carry-on. When we travel by car for a weekend away, we pack it all in one suitcase. On longer trips when each kid has their own designated place for their stuff, everything stays more organized.

Kevin and I pack one large suitcase together that we check and a small carry on. Our baby’s things are in with our suitcase as well. We pack a car seat bag that gets checked.

In my experience, I almost always pack too much. I’m (slowly) learning I can pack a lot less.

What happens when we get there?

When we arrive at our destination, one of the first things we do is pick up food at a local grocery store. Since we are usually staying in a house or apartment with a kitchen, we pick up snacks, eggs, bread, bacon (always bacon), peanut butter, jelly, lunch meat, fruit, and veggies.

Next, we check into our place and get unpacked and settled. We usually try to explore a little in the evening to get our bearings before the next full day in a new place. The rest of our time is spent exploring and enjoying one another. On most of our trips, the kids write in their journals about something they did each day. We use a Polaroid Portable Printer to print a picture each day and the kids write about it. As they have gotten older, this is a highlight each day and doubles as a souvenir.

Travel is something we value as a family and strategically do things to make happen. Tell me: Do you travel with kids? What are some tips are tricks you have learned along the way?

January 22, 2020January 22, 2020 Vanessa

20 Simplifying Tasks for 2020

A Simpler Home, A Simpler Motherhood

It’s a new year and a new decade. Many of us have made goals or resolutions or chosen a word of the year. And right about now is when it gets a little harder to dig in and work towards those objectives. If one of your goals this year is to simplify and live life more, here are 20 tasks that will keep you moving in the right direction.

Before we get rolling…this a list of tasks to choose from. I have not done all of them, nor will I do all of them in the next few months. This list provides choices.

1. Purge one room

A good purge always makes me feel so good. If you’re new to simplifying, choose a room that isn’t too hard and doesn’t contain a lot of sentimental items. If you’ve simplified a lot of your home, maybe it’s time to tackle the hard stuff, the room you’ve been putting off. Set aside an hour or two and go through the room, physically touching and making a decision on each item: does it stay or does it go? This task is totally worth it.

2. Set Quarterly Goals

Maybe you missed the New Year’s rush of goal setting and want to start now. There are no rules you MUST make goals on January 1. Read more on how we set Quarterly Goals.

3. Make a book list for the year

The reason we simplify isn’t for simplifying itself, it’s to free up more of our time and energy for worthier things. I just finished Little Fires Everywhere (an incredibly good, but hard fiction book about motherhood). Atomic Habits and The Life Giving Home are on deck.

4. Plan and mark the calendar for some adventures with your people

Recently Kevin and I sat down and plotted out our adventures for 2020. This could be a visit to a local museum or your backyard or across the country. I believe there are adventures to be had everywhere.

5. Give your time away to something you’re passionate about for an hour, a day, or on a weekly basis

At church, at your kids’ school, at a local soup kitchen, even at home writing thank you cards or making flyers for an organization. Giving to others literally can make you happier.

6. Clear off one surface

Cluttered surfaces matter. Set a timer for five minutes and clear one surface.

7. Create a capsule wardrobe that is ‘enough’ for you

There isn’t a magic number, just what is enough for you and your family. Click here to see my capsule from this fall.

8. Say ‘yes’ to your kids when you want to say no.

Next time my son asks me to play cars, I WILL say yes to him. (Repeat this mantra until I actually do it.)

9. Start journaling

I started journaling this year and it has made a big difference in my attitude and my ability to handle stress. I highly recommend.

10. Try something new that scares you just a little

A dear friend inspired me when she tried Cross Fit (and loved it). I think I will take all four kids to the Children’s Museum. Check, Check, Check, Check.

11. Practice prayer

We all have our own perspectives on prayer. I like to tie it to a part of my day: in the morning when I’m nursing Jack. And when a friend asks for prayer instead of text back, ‘Praying for you!’, I go ahead and try and pray right then and there. Being intentional with prayer has allowed me to make it a part of my everyday.

12. Take a week off from social media

After doing this I felt lighter and happier. I’ll be honest when I say it was hard to go back. A break was good for me.

13. Take notice of kitchen towels, bath towels, and pens

These are non-sentimental items and the probability that all of us have too many is high. (I’m raising my hand.) If you’re wanting to simplify, ruthlessly declutter these things and you will feel lighter.

14. Go on a date with your husband or one of your kids

If you can’t make it out with your husband, take a kid and peruse the book store and grab a bakery treat. Quality time with the ones you love is always time well spent.

15. Read a book as a family

Some good places to start: The Boxcar Children, My Father’s Dragon, The Magic Tree House Series, Mr. Popper’s Penguins, Winnie-the-Pooh.

16. Find and listen to a podcast

The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey, The Purpose Show, The Next Right Thing, The Good List

17. Ask your kids what they want to do on a Saturday and then do it.

Donuts? Ice skating? A new movie? (Almost) anything goes.

18. Get rid of 20 things right now

Take a garbage bag and go through your home ruthlessly. Place 20 things in the bag, no excuses.

19. Record everything you purchase for a week

Money matters and I believe the only way to know what you’re spending and where you’re spending it is to write it down. I’ve heard good things about the Every Dollar app.

20. Create something

Draw with your kids, take a photograph and frame it, write a letter to a friend, bake some cookies, DIY something, make a meal from scratch. Creation > Consumption

Please don’t go off and think you need to do all these tasks. Choose one or two and see how it goes. If you need something more, do another. I am excited about what this decade will hold. If you decide to do one of these or come up with something on your own…please share in the comments!

January 4, 2020January 4, 2020 Vanessa

3 Ways to Simplify Today

A Simpler Home

Sometimes you need to jumpstart an idea, a goal, a lifestyle, a change. Sometimes it takes a few small steps to snowball into giant leaps. A simple life requires intention and some good old fashioned hard work. And it can feel overwhelming and too much and good intentions can sometimes be left undone. So before you write off a simpler lifestyle or a simpler motherhood, why not try choosing one small way to simplify today. Who knows, maybe it will snowball for you.

Grab a garbage sack

This is about as simple as it gets and earns you some major impact. Grab a garbage sack from under your sink and do a walk through of your house. Take 20 minutes to walk through each and every room and pick up anything you can get rid of: garbage, knick knacks, happy meal toys, forgotten books, broken toys, old magazines, paper clutter. Don’t think too much about this, your goal is to get rid of anything you don’t need that’s cluttering your home. I suggest doing this without your kids around to gain the most impact.

After you have done the walk through, quickly throw all the trash away and put the garbage sack in your trunk to take to your nearest donation site. DO NOT LOOK BACK INSIDE THE BAG AFTER THE SORT. Get to your donation center as soon as possible with your sack and pat yourself on the back for jumpstarting a simpler lifestyle.

Box up the toys

Not ALL of them. I’m not trying to start WWIII. When your kids aren’t around, box up about half of all toys. Again, don’t think too much here, just pick toys that aren’t played with often and leave the favorites. Box up half the toys and put them in a closet with the date on them. Enjoy your simplified spaces and wait to see if any toys are asked for. If after a few days there are toy requests, allow your kids to switch out some toys. But whatever you do, do not get the entire box or boxes of toys out. Your hard word will be undone quickly. If there are toys unasked for after 60-90 days, take straight to your nearest donation site.

Clear a surface

It’s been proven visual clutter affects women’s stress levels. UCLA’s Center on Everyday Lives and Families (CELF) studies show clutter has a strong affect on mood and self esteem. The same study concluded the amount of stress women feel at home is directly proportional to the amount of physical stuff they have accumulated.

Stuff=Stress

Amazingly (or maybe not so amazingly) I have discovered visual clutter does not affect my husband as much as it affects me. I know this may not be the case for every family, but it’s something worth considering.

An easy way to make some of the visual clutter disappear is to clear a surface. I suggest the kitchen or dining room table because you will get a lot of bang for your buck. If your family is anything like my family, we spend loads of time in these spaces and clearing a surface can make a world of a difference in how we are able to use the space.

After you choose a surface to clear, take everything off the surface and then quickly sort through, throw away, and put away everything else. Make it a goal to keep that surface clean for the next week or so.

If you want to simplify but don’t know where to start, these are three ways to jumpstart a change. Tell me, where will you begin?

December 31, 2019January 1, 2020 Vanessa

Quarterly Goals

A Simpler Motherhood

Resolutions. Goals. Mantras. Plans. Word of the year.

There are about a million ways to celebrate the New Year and many of them include some kind of goal making. Many Americans like to make fitness or work goals. Others will land on a reading or travel goal. Still others will make it a goal to learn a new skill or save money. Whatever the goal, research shows only 8% of Americans actually achieve their New Year’s resolution or goal. That’s a pretty low number considering all the New Year’s hype.

I don’t have the answer to why New Year’s resolutions don’t stick, but I can guess if other Americans are anything like me, it’s because we get overwhelmed with the prospect of striving to meet a goal for 12 months or 366 days (Did you know 2020 is a leap year??) and then we give up or forget or put it on the back burner. I can justify some reason to abandon my goal or I can get bored or lazy. It’s not too hard to give up some arbitrary goal that seems out of reach.

A few years ago around this time my husband and I started making Quarterly Goals. Every three months or so we sit down, think through, and write out our Quarterly Goals. We do this together and while it would be nice to have a long, luxurious date to discuss and ponder them, most of the time it’s done over a quick glass of wine after the kids go down for the night. This past year a few quarters were skipped with pregnancy brain and a new baby, but we are back in the saddle and hoping to start 2020 fresh.

Our Quarterly Goal process is pretty straight forward, simple, and has made me more excited about goal setting and motivated me to actually meet my goals. Here is our fuss-free process.

Sit down and talk.

If you have a spouse, set aside 30 minutes to an hour to discuss your Quarterly Goals for the next three months. You can also do this with a friend, another family member, or an older child. We do this in January, April, July, and October. You can do it at other times if that doesn’t work for you, but basically we do it every three months, give or take.

If one year goals get you more excited, awesome, go ahead and set that one year goal. Then think, “If I’m going to accomplish ‘X’ over the course of this year, what do I need to accomplish over the next 3 months?”

When we sit down to talk about it, we come having thought a bit beforehand. We each make two to three goals and then set one goal for each of our kids. This year we will be including Luke (age 7) in his goal. If there are older kids in the house, it makes sense to involve them in the goal making process.

Make the goal specific and actionable.

When making goals we form each goal to be actionable. For example, one of my goals this spring was to plan school for the summer and fall. Basically I needed to get our school plan completed before the end of May. One of Kevin’s goals the past few months has been to run 100 miles by the time we go on vacation. He is really close to completing his goal and has just a few miles to go. Make sure you can see the goal in action and it’s specific enough you can see it happening.

Most of us find it easier to conceptualize what we want to accomplish rather than focusing on how we are going to do it. We want smart kids, more financial flexibility, and less flab; but how are we going to accomplish those things.

Some examples:

Instead of Get healthy use Go to the gym 2 days a week for the next 12 weeks.

Instead of Save money use Put aside 5% of each paycheck into savings.

Instead of Learn more use Read three times a week instead of watching TV at night.

Why Quarterly Goals? There are two really good reasons:

Having a light at the end of the tunnel keeps us motivated to stay on the path.
Ninety days is long enough to form habit.

Understanding how habits are major influences on our life is a key breakthrough in being able to lead a life of intention. I’m not just talking about bad habits like drinking and smoking (while those DEFINITELY count); I’m talking about other not-so-great habits like looking at social media first thing in the morning, buying sweets that weren’t on the grocery list, or (do I dare?) spreading gossip. But this is just a list of what some might say are bad habits. Other habits can be: giving praise to my daughter each time she asks for something politely, doing yoga 5 minutes EVERY morning right after waking, or reading a devotional each night.

Make the goal measurable.

At the end of the three months you should be able to tell, without a doubt, if you met your goal or not. For example, instead of the goal: Eat Better. Try the goal: Eat at home 6 nights a week. It’s a specific, actionable goal and while trying to meet the goal, you have a clear standard on what it looks like and if you meet it or not. Make the goal measurable.

Ask yourself, “How will I know whether I accomplished this or not?”

Keep one thing in mind, the goal that is measurable might be less inspirational than the intention that came behind it. “Lose 30 pounds” is way more exciting than “abstain from sweets for 90 days”. So, as you identify and progress through your quarterly goal, remind yourself WHY you are doing it; this will help keep you on the path.

Kevin set the goal of running 100 miles in less than 3 months because he was coming off a period of a brand-new-baby-sleep-deprived season and was determined to get back on the path of staying physically active. Because he can only run a few miles at a time, he knew this would require him to run routinely. He knew he would have to run 9.5 miles per week and downloaded an app to make sure he kept himself ahead of the curve. The “why” behind all of this is that he lost quite a bit of weight over the last 5 years and is determined to keep it off for the long haul.

Write down your Quarterly Goals.

You have heard this before, but it’s true. Write your goals down. Research done by Dr. Gail Matthews, a psychology professor at the Dominican University in California, found people who write down goals are 42% more likely to achieve them.

Keep it simple and use your ‘Notes’ app on your phone or go all out with a whiteboard or bullet journaling. My husband and I use the ‘Notes’ app and I think we will continue logging that way. I have kept all past goals in there, so it’s interesting to see what we have done and how we can move forward with new goal setting.

Partner with someone. While peer pressure can be harmful for adolescents, it can be hugely beneficial for responsible adults.

Limit Yourself to 1-4 goals. If you set 8 goals, you are more likely to form the habit of not completing your goals. If you are just getting started on this, for the first quarter set three goals you absolutely know you can accomplish; then start ratcheting them up each quarter. Earn the mentality of thinking, “I know I can do this!” Accomplishing goals is a huge booster in confidence and self-esteem, which in turn helps us to accomplish more things in life.

Reflect.

The reason I like Quarterly Goals is because there is a built in time to check in. At the end of each quarter, meet and discuss the goals from the last three months and set goals for the next three months. There have been times I continue with a goal for another three months, but that only happens once in awhile. Reflection on how it went will keep you accountable and help you decide what should come next.

My Quarterly Goals

Because telling the internet your goals really helps with accountability, I’m going to share mine for the next three months with you.

Read one book a month for myself. My first one is going to be Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng. These will come next: Atomic Habits by James Clear and The Life Giving Home by Sally Clarkson.
Get current with each of my kids’ yearly Shutterfly books.
Eat through our freezer and pantry and use a budget of $150/week on groceries.

These goals are specific, actionable and measurable. I will take these goals and make sure they play out in my daily life. Reading will be added the downtime I have during nap time. Working on each child’s Shutterfly books will be on my to-do list at least once each week and my weekly meal plan will include meals inspired by what is in our freezer and pantry.

Potential Categories of Quarterly Goals:

Diet

Exercise

Faith and devotion

Parenting and Marriage

Career

Hobby or Travel

Financial

Household

Friends and Mentors

It may not be wise to set goals for each category each quarter, but it helps to consider them in deciding which goals to make a priority.

That’s it for Quarterly Goal Setting. Tell me, are you a Resolution Setter? How do you set goals for the coming year?

December 26, 2019December 26, 2019 Vanessa

The Post-Christmas Purge

A Simpler Childhood, A Simpler Home

Wrapping paper strewn across the living room. Cardboard, those annoying white plastic strips, bows, coffee mugs, lone Reese’s tree wrappers and fuzzy blankets. An accurate picture of our living room after the big day. A picture of a morning savored.

In an ideal world, the kids play happily the rest of the waking hours as Kevin and I cuddle on the couch, drink our coffee, and sneak bites of quiche and muffins. The quiet, slow beauty of Christmas morning is one I savor each and every year. And every year I wish it would last a teensy bit longer.

But, it doesn’t and inevitably over the next few weeks we teeter back and forth between routine and cookies for breakfast. Somewhere between the blurry days of Christmas and New Year’s we get in a good Christmas Toy Purge. If you were around before Christmas, you know we did a Pre-Christmas Purge, but we always get more than we think hence the need for a good purge post-Christmas.

From experience, I think a good Post-Christmas Purge is best done the few days following Christmas. A few reasons:

1. Your kids are excited about new stuff and are more willing to part with old stuff.

2. It relieves some stress and frees up space when your home (could) look like a toy war zone.

Let’s get to it. Here is how we do a Post-Christmas Purge and if you’ve been following along you might notice it’s pretty similar to the Pre-Christmas Purge.

1. Motivate your people

Announce that your home looks like a toy war zone and some things need to go. Remind your people they just received some fun things from friends and family and it’s a good time to let other things go. This is a great opportunity to talk about how letting go of old things will bring joy to someone else. Maybe do some research with your family to see if there is a certain organization that will take gently used toys and books. Kids knowing where their stuff is going is a motivator.

Another way to motivate your people is to be an example. Go through your closet, kitchen, or storage area and part with some things of your own. Actions speak louder than words.

If you have older kids, another option is having them sell their gently used toys online. I have done this a few times with my two older kids (7 and 5) and it was a big motivator for both of them. Cash=More Motivation

When you’re telling your people about the Christmas Toy Purge, try and dangle a carrot. What I mean is, tell them First we purge, then we ____________. Have a movie night or pizza or take them for ice cream after the purge. A little reward never hurt anyone.

2. Get organized

Decide how you want your Post-Christmas Purge to work. A few options:

Have each child choose 10 things to donate. Take a tote or box (not see through) into each child’s room or playroom and have them choose 10 things to put into the tote. Anything goes (except for the new stuff, unless you’re cool with it). This is hard, but if your child doesn’t find value in a stuffed animal you got them for their 2nd birthday, it’s okay to let it go. A caveat to this: If the thing has real sentimental value, put it away in a closet and decide at a later time. Don’t let a sentimental item hold you back from completing the Christmas Toy Purge.
Maybe you need a big purge. Take 30 minutes for each kid either done in a day or divided up into different days and go through their rooms and the playroom to purge unneeded and unwanted stuff. This can be done with or without your kids.
Maybe your kids aren’t old enough to purge and make decisions or maybe you know it will be a nightmare if you try. Go through each child’s room and the playroom and do a quick declutter. Put the items in a box in a closet and write the date. In 3 months if no child has asked for the toys in that box, it’s okay to let them go.

3. Do it

Begin the purge. I like to do it in a day, but if you have a lot of kids or a lot of stuff, it can be done over the course of several days. Make it work for you and your family and don’t let yourself get overwhelmed. Progress takes work and making your home manageable, simple, and a fun, cozy place to be requires some effort.

There is no substitute for hard work.-Thomas Edison

4. Celebrate

If you have something to look forward to at the end, the work is always a bit sweeter. Reward your people with a movie night and popcorn. Or maybe you take your crew out for pizza or to the museum or for ice cream. If you dangle the carrot (or the ice cream), they will come.

5. Enjoy

Enjoy your simplified spaces with less toys and less stuff. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done. You deserve it.

Are you in for a Post-Christmas Purge? Tell a friend and make it a challenge with each other to see how full you can get your tote or box. You and your home will feel lighter when you’re done.

December 22, 2019December 22, 2019 Vanessa

How to Savor Christmas Break

A Simpler Motherhood

Christmas is just around the corner, which means Christmas break is here! These two weeks can be full of glorious, relaxing picture-perfect moments and also ‘I’m bored’ and ‘Can I watch a show?’ and ‘I want a snack’ moments. Christmas break is not exclusive to one or the other. In the midst of this magical live-in-jammies time of year, there are some ways I want to savor Christmas break with my people.

Have a DO NOTHING Day.

I put this one first because it’s my favorite. Protect one day of break and plan absolutely nothing. Let the day unfold however it may. Maybe that means heading to a movie, baking some cookies, or just hanging on the couch in pajamas. I am all in for this one.

Make a blanket fort and indulge in a movie and popcorn.

This is on my list for our break. We may even do it at 10:00 in the morning. There is nothing better than a movie and popcorn in pajamas. Yes, please.

Let the kids have a day.

Set aside a day for the kids to set the agenda. Sometimes I get so excited planning what we are or aren’t going to do, that I forget to include the kids in the decision making. Letting the kids set the agenda gives them some power and helps them practice decision making and compromise with siblings.

Read a new book together.

Check a book out at the library and spend some time each day reading as a family. Sarah MacKenzie over at Read Aloud Revival has incredible booklists you can get at this link. My favorite list is First Novels to Read Aloud. A few I would add to this list that we have loved as a family: The Boxcar Children and The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Choose a book and snuggle up on the couch every night during break for some built in quality time.

Choose a drawer or a room in the house to purge and organize.

The days following Christmas can be the perfect time for a good purge (or if you’re reading this before Christmas, how about a Pre-Christmas Purge?). I am excited to do this with my people. I am planning on tackling the basement closets and our master bathroom. A good purge always leaves me feeling accomplished, even if I only have 15 minutes to dedicate to it.

Do something you have been wanting to do for awhile.

A museum? Ice skating? Trampoline park? Sleepover in the living room? Make it happen over break.

Get outside.

This is simple and maybe not always easy, but everyone feels better with a walk or 30 minute break at the park. It also makes the day go a lot smoother since the kids are able to ‘get the wiggles out’. Getting outside during Christmas break could save us, friends.

This Christmas break doesn’t have to be full of meltdowns and marathon snacks (although it certainly might be). I think there are ways we can savor Christmas Break with our babes without losing our sanity. Tell me: What are your plans for Christmas break?

December 13, 2019December 13, 2019 Vanessa

Pre-Christmas Purge

A Simpler Home

I remember coming down on Christmas morning when I was a kid. We would round the turn at the top of the stairs and peak around the corner at the tree in all her glory with presents scattered around the living room. It was a extraordinary few hours opening, smiling, playing, squealing. My mom always left the gifts from Santa unwrapped and the gifts from her and my dad lay wrapped beautifully under the tree. I’m not even sure when I stopped believing, but I know my mom did a real good job of keeping the magic alive.

After each and every gift was opened, we would have breakfast and spend the rest of the day playing or head to my Grandma’s house. I have fond memories of those mornings, as I’m sure you might as well.

Before we get there, to the magical few hours on Christmas morning, what if we prepare? Prepare our hearts for the miracle of Christmas and our homes for the abundance Christmas brings. The past few years we have done a Pre-Christmas Purge to prepare for the upcoming gifts coming into our home. It is always well received because we do it under the pretense that we all will be receiving gifts very soon and others may find value in the things we no longer need or want.

You may have seen a version of this on social media the last several weeks. Families are setting out a box labeled ‘Old Toys for Santa’ or a box with the child’s name on it. The idea is for kids to go through their toys and donate toys no longer used. Essentially, that is what the Pre-Christmas Purge is all about.

Instead of one big Pre-Christmas purge this year, we have been doing it in small doses, one child at a time. It has helped me focus on each kid, their room, and what they do or don’t play with or use anymore. Feel free to make it a family event or take it in small chunks. The result is still the same. For our entire family of six, it probably took around 60 minutes total to complete.

Maybe you are needing to implement a Pre-Christmas Purge into your home. You see the knick knacks, the books, the Chick-fil-A-whatevers piling up. Here is a breakdown of how our family does a Pre-Christmas Purge.

1. Set a time

Since Christmas will be here (like really soon), maybe you try and implement this in the next few days or week. Or maybe you ditch the Pre-Christmas Purge and do it after the big day has come and gone. (More on that in the coming weeks.) But, if you’re going to do it, put it on the calendar or your to-do list in the next day or two.

I understand there could already be 1,000 things on your to-do list at this very moment, but a little Pre-Christmas Purge doesn’t take long and personally I think it’s so incredibly worth it. But, if you can’t find the time, feel free to stop reading and come back after Christmas.

2. Announce

Tell your family. Tell your people there is abundance in the house and you need to make room for all the fun things coming in at Christmas. This would be a great time to discuss how it’s important to give to others. We always tie this in as one of our gifts to Jesus on his birthday. If you have littles, maybe start with having them find 10 things they would like to donate or give away. We always start there. Most of the time it snowballs and turns into much much more.

3. Get to it

It’s time to get to it. I think the best way to begin a Pre-Christmas Purge is by Mom or Dad initiating it. Basically, we need to be the examples, the leaders. When we started ours this year, I brought out some jewelry and some kitchen and decorative knick knacks I was going to donate. I also showed them a few books. It was a great way to kick start the process and the kids were more willing to join in, knowing Mom and Dad were invested.

4. Praise

After everyone has found the things they want to donate, praise, praise, PRAISE your people! We all love some good words said about us, so let’s not hold back when our family has done something to make our homes simpler and more manageable. Praise the ones you love for purging before Christmas.

5. Donate…SOON

Take 20 minutes and get those items out of your house. Find a church, school, Goodwill, or other mission-oriented organization and donate those items. I speak from experience here when I say if you keep them around, there is a good chance those toys and books could creep back into your home. Make it fun and take your kids to help you with the drop off and grab hot cocoa after.

Purging before Christmas always makes me feel lighter and the incoming plethora of gifts from the ones we love more manageable. It allows me to accept the gifts without thinking about where we are going to put them or how we are going to manage them all. The Pre-Christmas Purge sincerely allows me to enjoy the season a tiny bit more.

Tell me, will you do a Pre-Christmas Purge this year? If time isn’t on your side, stay tuned for a Post-Christmas Purge coming after the big day.