A Simpler Motherhood

Author: Vanessa

Vanessa

3 Ways to Simplify Today

A Simpler Home, A Simpler Motherhood

Sometimes you need to jumpstart an idea, a goal, a lifestyle, a change. Sometimes it takes a few small steps to snowball into giant leaps. A simple life requires intention and some good old fashioned hard work. And it can feel overwhelming and too much and good intentions can sometimes be left undone. So before you write off a simpler lifestyle or a simpler motherhood, why not try choosing one small way to simplify today. Who knows, maybe it will snowball for you.

simplify

Grab a garbage sack

This is about as simple as it gets and earns you some major impact. Grab a garbage sack from under your sink and do a walk through of your house. Take 20 minutes to walk through each and every room and pick up anything you can get rid of: garbage, knick knacks, happy meal toys, forgotten books, broken toys, old magazines, paper clutter. Don’t think too much about this, your goal is to get rid of anything you don’t need that’s cluttering your home. I suggest doing this without your kids around to gain the most impact.

After you have done the walk through, quickly throw all the trash away and put the garbage sack in your trunk to take to your nearest donation site. DO NOT LOOK BACK INSIDE THE BAG AFTER THE SORT. Get to your donation center as soon as possible with your sack and pat yourself on the back for jumpstarting a simpler lifestyle.

Box up the toys

Not ALL of them. I’m not trying to start WWIII. When your kids aren’t around, box up about half of all toys. Again, don’t think too much here, just pick toys that aren’t played with often and leave the favorites. Box up half the toys and put them in a closet with the date on them. Enjoy your simplified spaces and wait to see if any toys are asked for. If after a few days there are toy requests, allow your kids to switch out some toys. But whatever you do, do not get the entire box or boxes of toys out. Your hard word will be undone quickly. If there are toys unasked for after 60-90 days, take straight to your nearest donation site.

Clear a surface

It’s been proven visual clutter affects women’s stress levels. UCLA’s Center on Everyday Lives and Families (CELF) studies show clutter has a strong affect on mood and self esteem.  The same study concluded the amount of stress women feel at home is directly proportional to the amount of physical stuff they have accumulated.

Stuff=Stress

simplify

Amazingly (or maybe not so amazingly) I have discovered visual clutter does not affect my husband as much as it affects me. I know this may not be the case for every family, but it’s something worth considering.

An easy way to make some of the visual clutter disappear is to clear a surface. I suggest the kitchen or dining room table because you will get a lot of bang for your buck. If your family is anything like my family, we spend loads of time in these spaces and clearing a surface can make a world of a difference in how we are able to use the space.

After you choose a surface to clear, take everything off the surface and then quickly sort through, throw away, and put away everything else. Make it a goal to keep that surface clean for the next week or so.

If you want to simplify but don’t know where to start, these are three ways to jumpstart a change. Tell me, where will you begin?

Vanessa

Quarterly Goals

A Simpler Motherhood

Resolutions.  Goals.  Mantras.  Plans.  Word of the year.  

There are about a million ways to celebrate the New Year and many of them include some kind of goal making.  Many Americans like to make fitness or work goals.  Others will land on a reading or travel goal.  Still others will make it a goal to learn a new skill or save money.  Whatever the goal, research shows only 8% of Americans actually achieve their New Year’s resolution or goal.  That’s a pretty low number considering all the New Year’s hype.

I don’t have the answer to why New Year’s resolutions don’t stick, but I can guess if other Americans are anything like me, it’s because we get overwhelmed with the prospect of striving to meet a goal for 12 months or 365 days (wow) and then we give up or forget or put it on the back burner.  I can justify some reason to abandon my goal or I can get bored or lazy.  It’s not too hard to give up some arbitrary goal that seems out of reach.

Last year around this time my husband and I started making Quarterly Goals.  Every three months or so we sit down, think through, and write out our Quarterly Goals.  We do this together and while it would be nice to have a long, luxurious date to discuss and ponder them, most of the time it’s done over a quick glass of wine after the kids go down for the night.  

Our Quarterly Goal process is pretty straight forward, simple, and has made me more excited about goal setting and motivated me to actually meet my goals.  Here is our fuss-free process.

Quarterly Goals

Sit down and talk

If you have a spouse, set aside 30 minutes to an hour to discuss your Quarterly Goals for the next three months.  You can also do this with a friend, another family member, or an older child.  We do this in January, April, July, and October.  You can do it at other times if that doesn’t work for you, but basically we do it every three months, give or take.  

If one year goals get you more excited, awesome, go ahead and set that one year goal. Then think, “If I’m going to accomplish ‘X’ over the course of this year, what do I need to accomplish over the next 3 months?”

When we sit down to talk about it, we come having thought a bit beforehand.  We each make two to three goals and then set one goal for each of our kids.  

Make the goal specific and actionable

When making goals we form each goal to be actionable.  For example, one of my goals this summer was to plan school for the fall.  Basically I needed to get our school plan completed before the end of July.  One of Kevin’s goals the past few months has been to run 150 miles by the end of the year.  He just completed his goal (and is glad it’s over).  Make sure you can see the goal in action and it’s specific enough you can see it happening.

Most of us find it easier to conceptualize what we want to accomplish rather than focusing on how we are going to do it. We want smart kids, more financial flexibility, and less flab; but how are we going to accomplish those things.

Some examples:

Instead of Get healthy use Go to the gym 2 days a week for the next 12 weeks.  

Instead of Save money use Put aside 5% of each paycheck into savings.

Instead of Learn more use Read three times a week instead of watching TV at night.

Why Quarterly Goals? There are two really good reasons:

  1. Having a light at the end of the tunnel keeps us motivated to stay on the path.
  2. Ninety days is long enough to form habit.

Understanding how habits are major influences on our life is a key breakthrough in being able to lead a life of intention. I’m not just talking about bad habits like drinking and smoking (while those DEFINITELY count); I’m talking about other not-so-great habits like looking at social media first thing in the morning, buying sweets that weren’t on the grocery list, or (do I dare?) spreading gossip. But this is just a list of what some might say are bad habits. Other habits can be: giving praise to my daughter each time she asks for something politely, doing yoga 5 minutes EVERY morning right after waking, or reading a devotional each night.

Make the goal measurable

At the end of the three months you should be able to tell, without a doubt, if you met your goal or not.  For example, instead of  the goal: Eat Better. Try the goal: Eat at home 6 nights a week.  It’s a specific, actionable goal and while trying to meet the goal, you have a clear standard on what it looks like and if you meet it or not.  Make the goal measurable.

Ask yourself, “How will I know whether I accomplished this or not?”

Keep one thing in mind, the goal that is measurable might be less inspirational than the intention that came behind it. “Lose 30 pounds” is way more exciting than “abstain from sweets for 90 days”. So, as you identify and progress through your quarterly goal, remind yourself WHY you are doing it; this will help keep you on the path.

Kevin set the goal of running 150 miles in 4 months because he was coming off a period of injury-induced inactivity and was determined to get back on the path of staying physically active. Because he can only run a few miles at a time, he knew this would require him to run routinely. He knew he would have to run 8.5 miles per week and downloaded an app to make sure he kept himself ahead of the curve. The “why” behind all of this is that he lost quite a bit of weight over the last 5 years and he is determined to keep it off for the long haul.

Write it down

You have heard this before, but it’s true.  Write your goals down.  Research done by Dr. Gail Matthews, a psychology professor at the Dominican University in California, found people who write down goals are 42% more likely to achieve them. 

Keep it simple and use your ‘Notes’ app on your phone or go all out with a whiteboard or bullet journaling.  My husband and I use the ‘Notes’ app and I think we will continue logging that way.  I have kept all past goals in there, so it’s interesting to see what we have done and how we can move forward with new goal setting.

Quarterly Goals

Partner with someone. While peer pressure can be harmful for adolescents, it can be hugely beneficial for responsible adults.

Limit Yourself to 1-4 goals. If you set 8 goals, you are more likely to form the habit of not completing your goals. If you are just getting started on this, for the first quarter set three goals you absolutely know you can accomplish; then start ratcheting them up each quarter. Earn the mentality of thinking, “I know I can do this!” Accomplishing goals is a huge booster in confidence and self-esteem, which in turn helps us to accomplish more things in life.

Reflect

The reason I like Quarterly Goals is because there is a built in time to check in.  At the end of each quarter, meet and discuss the goals from the last three months and set goals for the next three months.  There have been times I continue with a goal for another three months, but that only happened once this past year.  Reflection on how it went will keep you accountable and help you decide what should come next.

My Quarterly Goals

Because telling the internet your goals really helps with accountability, I’m going to share mine for the next three months with you.  

  1.  Find and read one book on parenting.
  2. Select homeschool curriculum for next year.
  3. Write 4 days a week.

These goals are specific, actionable and measurable.  I will take these goals and make sure they play out in my daily life.  Finding a book will be added to my to-do list weekly and then reading it will be added later. Writing will be on my to-do list four days each week and researching and selecting a curriculum will be something I will add on my daily to-do list each week until the curriculum is decided on and purchased.

Potential Categories of Goals:

Diet

Exercise

Faith and devotion

Parenting and Marriage

Career

Hobby or Travel

Financial

Household

Friends and Mentors

It may not be wise to set goals for each category each quarter, but it helps to consider them in deciding which goals to make a priority.

That’s it for Quarterly Goal Setting.  Tell me, are you a Resolution Setter?  How do you set goals for the coming year? 

Vanessa

The Christmas Toy Purge

A Simpler Childhood, A Simpler Home

Wrapping paper strewn across the living room.  Cardboard, those annoying white plastic strips, bows, coffee mugs, lone Reese’s tree wrappers and fuzzy blankets.  An accurate picture of our living room after the big day.  A picture of a morning savored.  

In an ideal world, the kids play happily the rest of the waking hours as Kevin and I cuddle on the couch, drink our coffee, and sneak bites of quiche and muffins.  The quiet, slow beauty of Christmas morning is one I savor each and every year.  And every year I wish it would last a teensy bit longer.

But, it doesn’t and inevitably over the next few weeks we teeter back and forth between routine and cookies for breakfast.  Somewhere between the blurry days of Christmas and New Year’s we get in a good Christmas Toy Purge.  If you were around before Christmas, you know we did a Pre-Christmas Purge, but we always get more than we think hence the need for a good purge post-Christmas.

From experience, I think a good Christmas Toy Purge is best done the few days following Christmas.  A few reasons:

1.  Your kids are excited about new stuff and are more willing to part with old stuff.  

2.  It relieves some stress and frees up space when your home (could) look like a toy war zone.  

Let’s get to it.  Here is how we do a Christmas Toy Purge and if you’ve been following along you might notice it’s pretty similar to the Pre-Christmas Purge.

1. Motivate your people

Announce that your home looks like a toy war zone and some things need to go.  Remind your people they just received some fun things from friends and family and it’s a good time to let other things go.  This is a great opportunity to talk about how letting go of old things will bring joy to someone else.  Maybe do some research with your family to see if there is a certain organization that will take gently used toys and books.  Kids knowing where their stuff is going is a motivator.

Another way to motivate your people is to be an example. Go through your closet, kitchen, or storage area and part with some things of your own. Actions speak louder than words.

If you have older kids, another option is having them sell their gently used toys online.  I have done this a few times with my two older kids (7 and 5) and it was a big motivator for both of them.  Cash=More Motivation

When you’re telling your people about the Christmas Toy Purge, try and dangle a carrot.  What I mean is, tell them First we purge, then we ____________.  Have a movie night or pizza or take them for ice cream after the purge.  A little reward never hurt anyone.

2. Get organized

Decide how you want your Christmas Toy Purge to work.  A few options:

  1. Have each child choose 10 things to donate.  Take a tote or box (not see through) into each child’s room or playroom and have them choose 10 things to put into the tote.  Anything goes (except for the new stuff, unless you’re cool with it).  This is hard, but if your child doesn’t find value in a stuffed animal you got them for their 2nd birthday, it’s okay to let it go.  A caveat to this:  If the thing has real sentimental value, put it away in a closet and decide at a later time.  Don’t let a sentimental item hold you back from completing the Christmas Toy Purge.
  2. Maybe you need a big purge.  Take 30 minutes for each kid either done in a day or divided up into different days and go through their rooms and the playroom to purge unneeded and unwanted stuff.  This can be done with or without your kids. 
  3. Maybe your kids aren’t old enough to purge and make decisions or maybe you know it will be a nightmare if you try.  Go through each child’s room and the playroom and do a quick declutter.  Put the items in a box in a closet and write the date.  In 3 months if no child has asked for the toys in that box, it’s okay to let them go.

3. Do it

Begin the purge.  I like to do it in a day, but if you have a lot of kids or a lot of stuff, it can be done over the course of several days.  Make it work for you and your family and don’t let yourself get overwhelmed.  Progress takes work and making your home manageable, simple, and a fun, cozy place to be requires some effort.  

There is no substitute for hard work.-Thomas Edison

4.  Celebrate

If you have something to look forward to at the end, the work is always a bit sweeter.  Reward your people with a movie night and popcorn. Or maybe you take your crew out for pizza or to the museum or for ice cream.  If you dangle the carrot (or the ice cream), they will come.  

5.  Enjoy

Enjoy your simplified spaces with less toys and less stuff.  Pat yourself on the back for a job well done.  You deserve it.

Are you in for a Christmas Toy Purge?  Tell a friend and make it a challenge with each other to see how full you can get your tote or box.  You and your home will feel lighter when you’re done.

Vanessa

30 Minute Pre-Christmas Purge

A Simpler Motherhood

I remember coming down on Christmas morning when I was a kid.  We would round the turn at the top of the stairs and peak around the corner at the tree in all her glory with presents scattered around the living room.  It was a extraordinary few hours opening, smiling, playing, squealing.  My mom always left the gifts from Santa unwrapped and the gifts from her and my dad lay wrapped beautifully under the tree.  I’m not even sure when I stopped believing, but I know my mom did a real good job of keeping the magic alive.

After each and every gift was opened, we would have breakfast and spend the rest of the day playing or head to my Grandma’s house.  I have fond memories of those mornings, as I’m sure you might as well.  

Pre Christmas Purge

Before we get there, to the magical few hours on Christmas morning, what if we prepare?  Prepare our hearts for the miracle of Christmas and our homes for the abundance Christmas brings.  The past few years we have done a Pre-Christmas Purge to prepare for the upcoming gifts coming into our home.  It is always well received because we do it under the pretense that we all will be receiving gifts very soon and others may find value in the things we no longer need or want.    

We did our annual Pre-Christmas Purge just last week and it was surprisingly successful.  Kevin took a random day off to do other things around the farm and at the end of the day we announced it was time to make room for the gifts we will be receiving come Christmas.  Kevin went through his drawers, cupboards, and closet.  The kids went through their rooms and toys.  And I scanned bookshelves, Kevin and I’s shared dresser, and the kitchen.  We came up with a counter full of items needing donating as well as a pile of knick knacks needing returned to their owners.  I even found a few things to pass along to friends and family.  It was pleasant enough and only took about 30 minutes.  

Maybe you are needing to implement a Pre-Christmas Purge into your home.  You see the knick knacks, the books, the Chick-fil-A-whatevers piling up.  Here is a breakdown of how our family does a Pre-Christmas Purge.

1.  Set a time

Since Christmas will be here (like really soon), maybe you try and implement this in the next few days.  Or maybe you ditch the Pre-Christmas Purge and do it after the big day has come and gone.  (More on that in the coming weeks.)   But, if you’re going to do it, put it on the calendar or your to-do list in the next day or two.  

I understand there could already be 1,000 things on your to-do list at this very moment, but a little Pre-Christmas Purge doesn’t take long and personally I think it’s so incredibly worth it.  But, if you can’t find the time, feel free to stop reading and come back after Christmas.

2.  Announce

Tell your family.  Tell your people there is abundance in the house and you need to make room for all the fun things coming in at Christmas.  This would be a great time to discuss how it’s important to give to others.  We always tie this in as one of our gifts to Jesus on his birthday.  If you have littles, maybe start with having them find 10 things they would like to donate or give away.  We always start there.  Most of the time it snowballs and turns into much much more.

3.  Get to it

It’s time to get to it.  I think the best way to begin a Pre-Christmas Purge is by Mom or Dad initiating it.  Basically, we need to be the examples, the leaders.  When we started ours this year, I brought out a few shirts and some kitchen and decorative knick knacks I was going to donate.  I also showed them a few books.  It was a great way to kick start the process and the kids were more willing to join in, knowing Mom and Dad were invested.

Pre Christmas Purge

4.  Praise

After everyone has found the things they want to donate, praise, praise, PRAISE your people!  We all love some good words said about us, so let’s not hold back when our family has done something to make our homes simpler and more manageable.  Praise the ones you love for purging before Christmas.

5.  Donate…SOON

Take 20 minutes and get those items out of your house.  Find a church, school, Goodwill, or other mission-oriented organization and donate those items.  I speak from experience here when I say if you keep them around, there is a good chance those toys and books could creep back into your home.  Make it fun and take your kids to help you with the drop off and grab hot cocoa after.

Purging before Christmas always makes me feel lighter and the incoming plethora of gifts from the ones we love more manageable.  It allows me to accept the gifts without thinking about where we are going to put them or how we are going to manage them all.  The Pre-Christmas Purge sincerely allows me to enjoy the season a tiny bit more.  

Tell me, will you do a Pre-Christmas Purge this year?  If time isn’t on your side, stay tuned for a Post-Christmas Purge coming after the big day.

 

Vanessa

5 Ways to Enjoy the Season

A Simpler Motherhood

We are trudging up a hill, mud on our boots, wind whipping our faces scanning to our left and right for THE tree.  Tall, but not too tall, and skinny, so it fits snug in the corner of our living room.  An Allen Iverson tree basketball fans.  Luke runs ahead with Daddy as Lily and Jude stay close to me.  Fifteen minutes later we are still walking uphill (how?), still searching, boots now covered in layers of thick oozy mud, cheeks rosy.

It’s dusk and Daddy and I are starting to get a bit nervous we won’t find this tree before we can find our way back to the cozy Christmas tree barn.  And then it stares us in the face right as Jude plunges into the grass and mud, fortunately not face first.  He comes up covered, but smiling.  We wait and wait and wait for someone to come help us cut it down, but there are other families looking for their perfect tree, too, and so we wait some more.  The kids run circles, ‘try’ and stay out of the mud, pretend to cut the tree down with their orange and white chainsaw.  As my frustration grows, I look at Jude covered from toe to neck in mud and can’t help but grin.

enjoy the season

We may not eat dinner until bedtime and we may stay up way too late decorating the tree, but the tradition, the experience of marching through the slushy mud to get our tree is not one I’ll soon forget.  And I have a feeling it will live on in my kids’ memories as well.  They may not remember the mud or the cold or the forever waiting, all of that will fall away.  They will remember the tradition of the search for the perfect tree and then the reward of hot cocoa and a cookie in the barn.

This season can be full and chaotic and lovely and magical and sometimes just incredibly overwhelming.  There are times (many times) this season I will have to look at the beautiful chaos and choose: grin or cry.  And I hope I choose to grin.  These next few weeks only come around once a year and I want to enjoy them, savor them.  I’ve come up with a few practical ways I am going to try and do just that.

Relinquish the Perfect Picture

Friends, we didn’t get a family picture at the tree farm this year.  The only reason I put make up on and did my hair was for a family picture, but we didn’t get it.  And I was totally okay with it.  Not losing my patience was more important to me than asking my kids to smile (again) while the chainsaw guy took our picture.  I got plenty of pictures of the kids, but none with all of us.  And we are all okay.

Get Outside

A few weeks back we had a ‘snow day’ at our place.  We got loads of snow that needed moved and played in.  I bundled the kids up and sent them out with their Dad, anticipating an hour of quiet.  And then I saw Lily making snow angels and I just couldn’t stay inside.  I put on a heavy pair of socks, my scarf and hat, and went to join in the fun.  I took lots of pictures and was able to experience their fun firsthand instead of hearing the stories after.

I am a girl who loves to be warm, so getting outside when it’s below freezing is not my idea of a good time.  But, I never regret it.  Even if it’s for five or ten minutes, it still helps.  There is something about fresh air that always gives me a new perspective.

Sit

These days I find myself bustling around, trying to be productive.  I am on my feet most of the day and when my body hits the couch after the kids are in bed I sometimes realize it’s one of the first times I have sat down all day.  Any Mommas relate?  I am going to try and sit more through out the day.  (Motherhood has a built in standing desk.)  Sit and play with my kids by the Christmas tree.  Sit and eat lunch.  Sit and read a stack of Christmas books on the couch.  Sit and watch a Christmas movie or send a text or read a book.  It sounds simple, but it has become something I need to do intentionally throughout the day during this full season.

Enjoy the Lights

Christmas lights make me extremely happy.  The twinkle, the sparkle, the coziness.  They just do something for me.  When I find time to sit or have a free minute, I gaze at the lights.  Sounds a little cooky, but it brings me back to the reason we decorate and gift and bake.  I layered lights around the house for a purpose, to make our home feel like Christmas and I try to enjoy them every minute I can.

Maybe it’s not lights for you, but a cozy blanket, a mug of hot cocoa, gazing at your tree or the fire.  Whatever makes this time of year feel like Christmas, try and do that as much as possible.

enjoy the season

Savor

The definition of savor is to: enjoy something completely.  I want to do that more this December.  I want to look around and drink it in: all the beautiful ornaments and twinkly lights and yummy treats.  I want to take notice of the blow up yard decorations on our way to church on Wednesday nights and smile at the Salvation Army bell ringer and read The Polar Express and Gingerbread Baby to my kids over and over again.  I want to refuse the overwhelm and embrace the magical.

For me, savoring means I must try for A Simpler Christmas, one where my main goal is to enjoy this season with the ones I love while remembering the birth of our Savior.  Embracing that goal above all else is how I will savor this Christmas.

How will you enjoy the season this year?

Vanessa

Simple Gifts for Kids

A Simpler Childhood, A Simpler Motherhood, My Favorites

‘Momma, this one’s my favorite.’  Lily holds up a 1980’s blonde Barbie with an unrealistic plastic waistline sporting a high ponytail and bangs.  The same Barbie I dressed and redressed over and over in my childhood.  She played with her for a few minutes and then went to play with her brother’s Legos.

simple gifts for kids

My mom brought all my Barbie paraphernalia from my childhood for Lily to play with and after about two days, she wasn’t playing with any of it.  It sat untouched in the corner of her room.  So I did what any minimalist mother would do and boxed up all of it except for her two favorite Barbies.   What I really noticed when the Barbies were brought into Lily’s life was that even with ALL the accessories and clothes and furniture, none of it really seemed appealing to her.  Once I took the excess add-ons away, she played with her two ‘favorite’ Barbies and coaxed her little brother to join in.

Research on Kids and Toys

Research conducted by The University of Toledo in Ohio studied children playing with a certain number of toys.  They discovered children were more focused and engaged in creative play when they were given fewer toys to play with.  British research also reported an average 10 year old child owns around 238 toys, but only plays with 12 daily.  (Honestly, that sounds about right, right? It is a more extreme version of Pareto’s 80/20 principle, kids play with 5% of the toys 95% of the time.)  Experts on the ground doing the research on kids and toys are telling us our kids actually thrive with less.  What if we started to believe them?  What if the toy collection was narrowed to the essential five percent?

I am most definitely not an advocate for no toys.  In fact, if you come to my house on any given day there are plenty of toys, many times all over my living room and kitchen.  I step on a toy airplane or car more often than I’d like, but we are trying to move towards less.  With Christmas right around the corner, I think it’s a good time to think about moving towards less toys for our kids.  Not so we can punish them or limit them, but so we can help them thrive and create.

3 Gifts

Our tradition for Christmas is each child gets three gifts to mimic how Jesus received three gifts from the wise men.  This has come to be a worthy tradition because our two oldest know this is how we do Christmas and their expectations are set accordingly.  This won’t work for every family, but you can always rethink what you’ve done in the past to cut back on the amount of toys coming in on December 25.

Some questions to ask:  What is a reasonable number of gifts for our family?  What are two or three small changes we can make this year to make this season more about presence and less about presents?

Simple Gifts

As our kids have gotten older, we are no longer able to get them what we want to get them (big heavy sigh here).  They now have more specific wishes and dreams and requests.

As our little people grow, so do their opinions.

We try and stick within certain constraints and there are just some things that aren’t going to happen on our dime (like a second Lego train for our oldest).  But, we don’t want to miss the point and only get them small shop wooden toys we think they ought to like (been there, done that).  We want them to be excited and for Christmas morning to be magical, and we also want them to play with their toys.

Here are some simple gifts we have found to be both exciting and get played with long after the wrapping paper tornado is taken to the dumpster.

Magna-Tiles or Picasso Tiles

These things get played with daily (with ages 1-6).  Jude received some for his birthday and we have added to the collection because they are, by far, the most played with basket of toys at our house.  We also added these cars to the mix and they are an accompanying favorite (which are sometimes repurposed as rollerblades).  These tiles get a lot of use and kids are using their brains to create.  These are the top toy at our house.

simple gifts for kids

Wooden Train Tracks

We have two boys, ages 6 and 21 months and they both still love wooden train tracks.  They will play with these for hours, especially if Daddy will set up a track in the living room that goes under furniture.  If you have boys in your home, these are a great gift.

Doll House

Lily received a wooden doll house similar to the one linked above last year for her birthday.  It sat lonely for awhile, but now it gets played with often.  It is a simple design, which allows for lots of creative play.  I see this sticking around for awhile.

Wooden Blocks

These blocks get played with so much.  They have been used to make towers, roads, parking lots, houses, and things my kids don’t have words for.  Our kids’ favorite thing to do with them is make roads and drive little cars all over them.  This is a pricier toy, but so worth it.

simple gifts for kids

Lego

Our kids are all-in when it comes to Lego.  I would love for Luke to only want the classic kind to create and recreate, but he really loves the kits, so it’s a compromise.  The classic Lego are more open ended, but Luke plays ‘Lego City’ with all his kits, so there is still some creative play involved. Lego=Classic

Books

I know.  This is a no brainer.  But, I had to include them because my kids always love a new book.  Here are some of my favorite Christmas books to gift:

The Polar Express

The Sparkle Box

Little Blue Truck’s Christmas

Christmas in the Big Woods

And here are some of my favorite classic books to gift that my kids love:

Boxcar Children (We really only like the first one.)

Winnie-the-Pooh Series

The Little House Series

My Father’s Dragon

I’m all ears.  What about you?  What are some simple or not so simple gifts you are planning to gift your kids this year?  Please share in the comments.

Vanessa

A Simpler Christmas

A Simpler Childhood, A Simpler Home, A Simpler Motherhood

The Christmas season is in full swing with Thanksgiving behind us and December on the horizon.  It truly is a magical time of year.  Two years ago I was met with the dilemma of being very pregnant with little energy and the same four weeks in front of me.  I decided to simplify our Christmas season while holding tight to the joy and magic.  Friends, it was one of the best things I have done as a mom.  Here are some ways I have found to A Simpler Christmas…

Simpler Fashion

Dressing myself and three children during the holidays is no joke.  When we are going to a fun Christmas event or party, I want us to look somewhat presentable, even if it’s inevitable I won’t get a picture of all three looking at the camera.  This year I have two to three outfits picked out for each of us for this season.  Think Christmas Capsule.  Luke and Jude have a few shirts, a sweater and jeans and Lily a few dresses and a skirt with leggings and a festive top.  I have a few tops paired with jeans or leggings and one dress for more formal gatherings.  Kevin is on his own, because he always looks good and selecting male clothing is not my gift.  A Christmas capsule eliminates sifting through closets on Saturday mornings in December.

a simpler christmas

Simpler Gifting

My gifting is super similar to last year.  I love to give thoughtful and meaningful gifts to the ones I love, especially at Christmas time.  I am trying to simplify gifting this year and shop online as much as possible as well as think about gifting similar gifts to groups of people.  For example, I am giving one simple gift to all of Luke, Lily, and Jude’s church teachers and some groups of girlfriends. I want people to feel loved and appreciated this season, but I think it can be done in a way that doesn’t bring bunches of stress to the giver.

Another way to make gifts easier is to start early.  I have a special tub I keep items I collect throughout the year for family and friends. I store it away and then have it ready for when Christmas is here.  My goal this year is to be done shopping and wrapping by midway point in December, so I can enjoy the last week before Christmas without any last minute items on my list.

Simpler Decorating

We are a family who bundles up, trudges out to a tree farm, and chooses a tree to cut down.  It’s one of my favorite traditions we have as a family of five.  After cutting down the tree, we spend the rest of the day pulling out ornaments and lights and decorating the tree and the rest of the house.  It is a fun day and usually ends with something slow cooking in the oven, crusty bread, and hot chocolate.

a simpler christmas

The easiest and most straight forward way I have found to simplify decorating is two fold:

  1. Let the kids help
  2. Use less stuff.

As our kids have gotten older, they have wanted to help with making our home look like a winter wonderland.  I try as hard as I can to give my Type-A personality the back seat and let the kids drive the decorating.  We get done what we can on decorating day and let the rest wait until another time or never.

The year our house was under renovation and I was pregnant, I cut back on decorating a ton.  And you know what, it was still magical and the kids still had a wonderful Christmas.  I have found twinkle lights do wonders and the kids each have their own special decorations that make it more magical for them.

Candles, fresh flowers and greens, and dishes filled with candy are simple things I do around Christmas to make our home a bit more festive.  And a bonus, I don’t have to store them away when the new year rolls around.

Simpler Advent Calendar

Lucky for me, I have a six year old this year.  Last year he kept me on track and wouldn’t let me miss a day on our Advent Calendar.  I have a feeling I will have another little helper this year.  Mommas of super littles, someday you will have a little person to keep you on track (whether you want them to or not).

Our advent calendar this year looks similar to the past few years.  I decided on three random acts of kindness and the rest of the days are filled with simple things like ‘have a pajama day’, ‘make cookies’, ‘sip hot cocoa’, ‘watch a Christmas movie’, as well as other fun things.  This past week I planned our countdown to Christmas activities by looking at things we already had on the calendar.  There are many nights I will do some late night switching because I realize we just aren’t going to ‘make cookies’ the next day.

Last year I printed and added this super simple Advent calendar to help us remember everyday the ‘why’ behind Christmas and I am going to keep it in there this year as well.

Tip: If you aren’t into Advent calendars or it’s just going to stress you out, it’s more than okay to say no to this one.

Fewer Gifts

If you follow this blog, you know we try and limit the amount of stuff coming into our home if we can help it.  Toys, too.  Both of our kids have their birthdays in November, so they are already overloaded with stuff come Christmas.  Sometime before Luke was born I found a Christmas gift idea on Pinterest that included four gifts: something to wear, something to read, something you want, something you need.  We did this for a few years and while it seems simple enough, there were times Luke didn’t need anything to wear or there wasn’t anything he needed and it made it tough because I felt like I was buying things unnecessarily.

a simpler christmas

My mother-in-law told me about giving three gifts to each child to represent how Jesus received three gifts.  That is what we have done the past three years. Both kids will receive three gifts, no guidelines involved, just three gifts. They will also get their stockings filled with small consumables like stickers and new toothbrushes.  This simple way of doing Christmas has worked well for us.  A bonus: Luke and Lily have picked up on this tradition.  They know they get three gifts and can tell us the exact gifts they want under the Christmas tree.

Margin on the Calendar

After a full fall, I have been wanting to create some margin on our calendar for this fun season.

A week ago, Kevin and I sat down and discussed what made Christmas feel like Christmas.  For me it is cutting down the tree, going to Lauritzen Gardens and the Durham Museum to see Santa.  It is having lots of time at home to watch Christmas movies, sing Christmas songs, make cookies and drink hot cocoa. Kevin simply said being home on Christmas together and giving things to people who need them.

Then we made a Christmas bucket list, exactly like we did in the fall.  Each person was able to choose one thing they wanted to do during Christmas.

Kevin and I sat down and mapped out our Christmas season on the calendar and put in all the big things and little things.  This helps us visualize the month and also allows us to see if it’s all doable.

Since November, lots of fun, exciting things have come up to do or go to.  We have said ‘yes’ to some of them, but ‘no’ to lots of them.  It is oh so hard for me to say no to good, fun things, but I know if I want this season to be beautiful for my family, I must do it.

A last caveat to this…when I see a family on Facebook or Instagram doing something totally Christmas-y I…#1 do my best to not feel guilty about not doing said activity and #2 promise myself I will not add that incredible tradition to our plate this year.  Every family is different and none of us can do it all.

Simpler Mealtimes

We still have to eat!  Even in this full season, my people still need to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Madness.  Meal planning will save me this month.  Even though it’s tempting to put planning dinner on the back burner, I know I will pay for it if I don’t.  Soups and crock pot meals are my go to during this full Christmas season.  And no leftovers go to waste.  Some of my favorite meals I will be making this month: chili, change your life chicken, white chicken chili, and tacos (always tacos).

Giving Myself Grace

Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year and I want to take in as much as possible and enjoy the magic and wonder that fills December.  I love to read a Christmas book and watch Christmas movies on the couch cuddled under a blanket with a cup of peppermint hot cocoa.  I am giving myself permission and grace to do this the next few weeks during nap time or at night after the kids go to bed.  Besides, this season only comes around once a year.

As one of the best seasons comes to life around us, I want to slow down, take it in, and make as many memories as possible.  They may not be picture perfect and there might be tears intertwined with those memories because #life, but I’m thankful for this Christmas season nonetheless. Keeping it simple will help us to focus on the real reason for the season, the baby born to save the world.

Merry Christmas, everyone!  I hope your Christmas is merry, bright, and simple!

Vanessa

Practicing Gratitude

A Simpler Motherhood

I once heard a podcaster say ‘If you were born in America, you won the lottery.’  I have pondered that statement numerous times since hearing it wondering if I even understand the depth of it.  Born many other places in this world and I would have been poorer than my brain can imagine.  Maybe I would be searching for water and food daily.  Maybe I would be underprivileged without a mom or dad to love me.  Maybe I would be sold or bought or used.  Maybe I wouldn’t have been educated in a school, working to survive instead.

Sometimes we Americans forget that we have won the born-into-America lottery.  We see what we don’t have, what they have and quickly come to the conclusion that we have less and want more.  Advertisers and companies want us to believe this and buy more, consume more, buy what they have.  And while I don’t want to make any of us feel guilty for something out of our control, I do think it’s good to remember our incredibly blessed reality.

“The question is not what you look at, but what you see.” -Henry Thoreau

There are some of us able to see things around us through a beauty lens while others of us see things through a murky, foggy, dirty lens.  I am a person who lies somewhere in the middle, searching and scanning the horizon for beauty, but sometimes getting stuck in the fog.  I have to try really hard to see the simple gifts, the pleasures, the grace in the everyday.  Some days are easier than others, but it takes conscious effort on a daily basis.

Practicing Gratitude

Recently I have been reading Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts devotional.  It’s shown me there is real beauty and grace all around me in the everyday, I need only look for it.  I have been practicing gratitude by journaling things I’m grateful for every morning before my sleepy kids tumble out of bed.  I am on my way to noting and remembering 1,000 gifts.  Each time I scribble a gift, I thank God for it.  It’s a simple ‘thank you’, an act of noticing and remembering.

Practicing gratitude not only allows us to see the beauty in the everyday, it allows us to see what we have instead of seeing what we don’t have.

So, how do we do this?  How do we practice gratitude?

1. Seek it out and write it down

First, I think the most important thing is to intentionally seek out gratitude.  Look for it every single day.  See the gifts, the graces, the beauty.  And I think it’s important to write it down.  Write it in a notes app, in a journal, or maybe even get with a friend and tell each other everyday via Marco Polo or text.  Keeping each other accountable will help this practice linger long after this blog post is forgotten.

2. Do it everyday

Next, I think we need to do it consistently.  Not just for the month of November or December.  Let’s make it part of a morning routine, evening routine, or any other routine.  Let’s make it a part of our ordinary day, something we don’t have to think about.  Maybe it could be your one simple thing in the morning.

Practicing Gratitude

3. Allow it to change you

I think, I hope, gratitude will change us from the inside out.  It will show us what we have: the sleepy smile of a child, the cozy home, the fresh flowers on the counter, the warmth of a daughter’s hug before bed, the family and friends and loved ones we do life with.  Gratitude will allow us to see the abundance in our lives.  It will gift us a lens of beauty: one that sees and hears and views tiny little graces everywhere.

And I think the domino effect of practicing gratitude will propel us into action.  Gratitude will allow us to see our own abundance and instead of wanting more, it will show us how to give more.  It will help us see others who don’t have as much and inspire us to give.  Maybe it will even stir in us a desire to Hand Out Honey Like A Five Year Old.  It will change our perspective and give us a deeper love for the people in our homes, communities, and the world.  I think gratitude can do that.

Gratitude is an intangible thing: a vision to see the gifts and graces, a chase for the beauty lens.

Vanessa

Shops I Love to Support

A Simpler Motherhood, My Favorites

As shopping season approaches and store catalogs fill our mailboxes, I want to take a breath before diving in to start checking things off my shopping list.  I want to take a breath and see if there are places where I can spend my money that will do more good, help my community or the great big world we live in.  I am thinking of small shops, the kind that help real families pay their bills and feed their kids.  Yes, I shop at Amazon and Target and T.J. Maxx, but I also try and shop small when it’s possible and when my budget allows.  The list I compiled includes small shops I love and are mostly geared towards the women in your life.

Here they are, shops I love and why I love them…

Wax Buffalo

It is no secret I am a Wax Buffalo fan.  I have mentioned these yummy smelling candles numerous times.  These candles are hand poured in Lincoln, Nebraska and are pure soy, meaning they burn clean and won’t leave any toxins in your home.  And the main reason I love them is because they smell heavenly and are made right down the road.  Consider gifting one of their Christmas collection candles or one of their new winter scents this year.  They make great hostess gifts or for-anyone gifts.  You won’t be disappointed in these, friends.  And bonus points because you are supporting a real pregnant momma and her family.

Alice and Adams

This small shop makes the sweetest dresses.  They are my new go-to shop for dresses for Lily.  Three things about these dresses:

  1. They are super twirly, perfect for your girly girl.
  2. The fabric is soft and there is barely a wrinkle when I hang to dry.
  3. Their prints and colors are always on point.

Buying these dresses supports another momma and her family.  It’s a win all the way around.

Dear Mushka

Have you seen this jewelry friends?  Dear Mushka is a shop with a big heart.  They are family owned and their jewelry keeps God’s truth at the forefront.  Each piece is rooted in God’s word and comes with a corresponding scripture card.  A few favorites of mine: the Kinship necklace, the Twinkle necklace, and the Goodness earrings.

Lovewell Handlettering

Are you looking for a cute sign, ornament, card, notebook or decorative map?  This is your shop.  Piper creates beautiful hand lettered pieces from Lincoln, Nebraska.  I own many of her signs and her notebooks are some of my favorite items to gift.  This a perfect spot to find gifts for the girlfriends in your life.

Direct Sales anyone?

We all have friends who are slinging goods as a side hustle.  Mary Kay, Rodan & Fields, Beautycounter, Noonday, Young Living, Sseko.  Buying from people we love supports them, their families, and their business.  I think it’s the perfect time of year to see if you can check some things off your list by buying from those closest to you.  And if you love the products from the companies above and don’t have a rep, shoot me a message and I will connect with you with one of my girls who has a side hustle.

Books

If you’re going to shop on Amazon, why not give the gift of books?  Books help support both authors and their families and give the gift of learning and enjoyment.  Here are some of my favorite gift books for this Christmas season, some of them new, some of them oldies but goodies.

Bread and Wine: A Love Letter to Life Around the Table with Recipes by Shauna Niequist

This book is perfect for any foodies in your life.  The recipes are simple and straightforward and delicious.  It is the only cookbook I keep on my counter and open weekly.  I love the way Shauna uses storytelling to connect meals around the table with everyday life.

Cozy Minimalist Home: More Style, Less Stuff by Myquillin Smith

Have a design lover on your Christmas list?  This book is beautiful, insightful, and simply laid out.  I have been a fan of Myquillin’s work for years and this book is both a pretty for the coffee table as well as a good read.

The Ministry of Ordinary Places: Waking Up to God’s Goodness Around You by Shannan Martin

I’ll be honest, I have not read this book.  However, I have listened to so many people I respect say such good things about it.  It’s on my Christmas wish list.  I think this is a great book for a mom friend in the trenches of motherhood.

The Nightingale: A Novel by Kristin Hannah

If you have a fiction loving friend, this book is a no brainer.  The plot is thick and hooks the reader within the first few chapters.  I couldn’t put this one down and I’m not sure many people can.  And the paperback is less than $12.

The Giver by Lois Lowry

I reread this book this year and I am still thinking about it months later.  If you have a young teen to buy for this year, I highly recommend this book.  Classic.

Daddies by Laci Morrissey

This book is both timely, simple, and has an important message.  The rhyming text engages young children and the pup illustrations are beautiful.  Although it portrays some tough realities for families that might not have an earthly Dad, it points us to the truth that we all have a Father in heaven.  My cousin, a mom of two with one on the way, wrote the book and I know her heart for this book is for others to know the hope of Jesus.

If you need more book ideas, check out my summer and fall book lists.

Whether you’re shopping for a sister, cousin, niece, or friend, I think there is something on this list for every woman in your life.  Please share any other small shops you love in the comments.

Happy Shopping Small, friends!

Vanessa

Margin for the Season

A Simpler Motherhood

Margin, white space, a spare amount…of time.

I remember the first Christmas season I was forced to slow down.  I was seven months pregnant with a major home renovation underway.  Dust covered every surface of our home daily, my husband and I were sleeping on a bed in the basement with carpet pulled up and no ceiling, and our handy contractor Bob popped in and out of our living room several times a day.  Our circumstances forced me to simplify our gift giving, our calendar, basically our entire life.  Naturally, more margin was created because I was pregnant and tired from all the dusting.  I had to say ‘no’, had to be home more, had to simplify.

It was freeing to do only the things we really needed and wanted to do.  It was exciting to have space on our calendar to see a friend last minute in December.  It was more peaceful than I remember Christmas being in the past, even with the plastic sheeting in the hallway protecting us from the hammers and radio (always playing country music) and drills and dry wallers.  It was one of the best Christmas seasons I can remember as a mom.

margin

That was 2016 and last year I did my best to be intentional with our calendar again because the previous year was good.  This year I plan to do the same.  Why?

Because I believe I’m a better mom and wife when there is margin in our days and weeks, especially during the holidays.

Also, I believe my husband is a better husband and father and my kids behavior isn’t all over the place.

Why is Margin Important?

Have you ever experienced unprovoked frustration, anxiety, or stress and can’t pinpoint where it came from?  Check your calendar.  Emily P. Freeman, author and podcaster, offered me this question recently on her podcast The Next Right Thing: When you’re rested, what no longer seems like a big deal?

To which I answered: mostly everything.

Rest happens when we create margin in our days and weeks to do the things we love with the ones we love, to be spontaneous, to not feel hurried or rushed or frazzled.  Margin is vital so we can feed our soul with good things, with rest, and be joyful, loving, and sane to our people.

How do I create margin?

You might be thinking this is a terrible time to discuss margin.  Thanksgiving lies just weeks ahead and beyond that Christmas with all the parties, gifts to buy, and the Christmas bucket list to first create and then complete.  But, friends, I think it’s the perfect time to think about creating margin.  It’s the ideal time and opportunity to be intentional about how we spend our time so we can create a holiday season that looks and feels the way we want it to.  We can be present with our people and remember the reason we are doing all this anyway: to celebrate the birth of a king.  So, let’s get to it, here’s how we can create some space so we aren’t crazy people these next few months.

1. Dream.

This might seem silly, but let’s not skip this one.  Let’s sit down alone or with our spouse and discuss what we want the next few months to look like practically (i.e. what’s on our calendar) and feel like (peaceful, stress free, etc.).  Write down what we want to do and any obligations we already have in place (gift shopping, parties, you get the idea).  This is the first step and the dreaming step, so I make sure and include things like: Watch a Christmas movie together, Have a stay-in-our-pajamas-day, Sit by the fire with a good book.  These may not be events or things we have to go to, but I want to include them because I want to make sure they happen.  Next, make a list of things we really don’t want to do (the mall Santa, 4:00 a.m. Black Friday, that one party, etc.).

2. Sit down and look at the calendar.

No glancing over or skipping this one.  Let’s really take a look at our calendars and plot out all the things we want to do.  The Santa visit, the cookie baking, the family dinners, the shopping, the decorating of the tree.  It doesn’t matter if we actually do the thing on the specific day, it’s just important to plot it out to get a visual of what all the things will look like on the calendar.  Let’s use pencil or our calendar or notes app.

3. Evaluate.

Basically, now we get to decide if it’s realistic.  Taking into account the obligations we have and the things we want to do, can we ‘do it all’ and not act like crazy people?  We all are able to handle different levels of extroverting and doing.  For example, my husband and I are both introverts.  However, on the weekend I love a good morning outing for fun Christmas-y things while he would rather stay around home and do something festive.  I think there is a way to do both with a little give and take.  Let’s involve our spouses in this to keep everyone smiling and on the same page.

margin

4. Cut and Say No.

This may or may not be fun.  If there is too much (and there probably is), what needs to go?  We have to ask the tough questions if we are going to create margin for our family to enjoy the next few months.  Do we really need to go see every Santa in town?  Is the Christmas tree lighting downtown necessary?  Do we truly love bouncing around to every holiday party we get invited to?  Maybe a better question: Do we like the way our kids act after bouncing around to every holiday party?

We need to make some hard calls and cut out the things that could be good things because we need to save ourselves for the most important people: our families.

As a serial people pleaser, saying ‘no’ has been a hard skill for me to learn.  But, I have found it to be necessary if I want to live an intentional life.  I don’t want to get into the why and the freedom in it, but here is a great line I use if there is something I need to say ‘no’ to: ‘__________ sounds like so much fun and I would really love to participate, but I need to say no this year.  Thanks for thinking of me.’  If I get asked on the spot (this is so hard), I say I need some time to look at my calendar or check with family and then shoot a text, email, or give a call the very next day to graciously decline or accept.  Saying ‘no’ isn’t easy, but I think it’s worth it.

5. Be sure there is margin.

We all know this, but don’t want to believe it: Things will come up.

We will forget to pick up Great Aunt Jane’s gift.

Wrapping will take longer than we thought.  So will putting together gifts for our kids. (I’m looking at you IKEA.)

Making a fancy Christmas dish will inevitably turn out great except for the fact it took an hour longer to prepare and there goes doing our hair.

We will forget we said we would bring this thing to this function, but remember at 9:00 p.m. the night before.

Things come up.

Leaving margin in our calendar will help us to not lose it all when one of the above mentioned things happen.  We can be calm, cool, and collected because we haven’t crammed 1,744 things into six weeks.  It still won’t be fun to make 24 Christmas goodie bags at 9:00 p.m., but we will have the margin and it won’t completely undo us.

6.  Remember Why

We are creating margin so we can be more fully present with the people most important to us.  We want to be sane and joyful and fun to be around.  We want to be Mary and not Martha if we can help it.  We want to bring the birth of a precious baby who came to save the world to the forefront and let everything else come second.  These are the reasons we create margin.  Let’s remember them.

I think we can create some margin this holiday season with a little bit of planning and a whole lot of intentionality.  If we start thinking about this now, the Christmas season won’t just happen to us, we can have a say in how it plays out.  Who’s in?