Category: A Simpler Motherhood

Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Youtube, Tik Tok, Twitter, WhatsApp. What is your social of choice? For me, Facebook and Instagram make scrolling effortless and monopolize my time. A few weeks back I did a two week social media break from Facebook and Instagram. I deleted them from my phone and had two weeks without any scrolling or liking. It was eye opening and I learned a lot about myself.

Social Media Break: What I Learned

I didn’t miss scrolling nearly as much as I thought I would.

The pretty pictures, the ‘keeping up’, the immediate gratification dopamine hit. I didn’t miss it as much as I thought I would. There were times my body subconsciously went to scroll, but I really didn’t want to. I enjoyed not being tethered to an endless supply of information. After the initial shock, it was freeing.

What I missed most was keeping up with my in-real-life friends. I missed seeing their babies and what they were doing each day. I missed a few influencers whose pretty pictures and words inspire me. But most of it, I could never see again and be happier for it.

I’m on my phone way more than I should be.

I intentionally kept track of my phone use during the social media break because I thought it would be interesting to see how much I used it without social media in play. It was shocking. I averaged about 1 hour 30 minutes on my phone during the detox, which means there is a good chance I average more with social media. To get real, that’s 547 1/2 hours in year, which equates to almost 23 days a year my eyes are glued to a tiny screen.

Jesus, be near.

Although it’s frustrating and discouraging how much I am on my phone, knowledge is power. Knowing what I know now, I am able to make a change.

Our phones and the apps we use are created to keep our eyes on the screen for as many minutes hours as possible. They are addictive on purpose because we all know: more eyes equal more money. I need to keep this in mind and give myself grace as I try and move in the direction of less phone time.

Boundaries are the key to change.

Some people think boundaries are restrictive and they are, but many times that can be a good thing. I found when I put certain boundaries in place during my Social Media Break, I was on my phone less. Deleting Facebook and Instagram from my phone was a boundary that didn’t give me the option to scroll. On Sundays I left my phone charging by the bed in our room and my phone use was extremely low on those days (and I didn’t miss it).

Boundaries are a tool I use to force myself to do the hard thing. The why behind the boundary matters. I want boundaries in play with my phone use so I spend less time with my eyes on a screen and more time present with my people.

What will I change?

After taking a few weeks off social media and intentionally focusing on screen time, there are a few changes I want to make. I took the time everyday to journal my thoughts on my screen time use. Journaling helped me reflect and make decisions on positive changes to reduce my phone use.

Apps and Boredom Scrolling

Facebook will continue to stay off my phone and I will only add it back the days I am on Facebook Live. Instagram will come back, but with the boundary of not using it in the evenings during family time. A hard and fast rule I am trying to implement is to eliminate boredom scrolling. Like everything else in our lives, I want to be intentional when I consume the content on Facebook and Instagram. I want to be in control of my screen use, not the other way around.

Keep Boundaries in Play

During the social media break, it worked to keep my phone charging by my bed when I didn’t want to use it. Adding the friction of keeping my phone in the bedroom was a good boundary. I plan on trying it out during school times, evenings, and weekends when it makes sense. When my phone isn’t close and in view, I rarely think about it. When I can lay eyes on it, it is a constant temptation.

Technology is an incredible blessing and I am grateful for it. However, it can ever so quickly become a distracting addiction.

Like The Minimalists say: Scrolling is the new smoking.

Yikes.

The biggest thing I learned during my social media break was this: Boundaries are the simplest way to make lasting change.

Tell me: Have you ever taken a social media break?

Intentional living experiments are small investigations into different ways of living. They allow us to learn, grow, find out what is enough, and live a purposeful life.

I’ve completed different intentional living experiments the last few years, one summer mimicking Jen Hatmaker’s 7 Experiment. I always learn a lot about myself and my desire for comfort, simplicity, and ease. Intentional living experiments mix things up, stretch me, and teach me how to be a better human.

Doing Life Somewhere New

In February my family and I experienced life somewhere new for a month. The past few years my husband and I have been dreaming about traveling extensively with our family. We love our home and community and also have the desire to experience new places with our kids in a big way. At the beginning of COVID, we decided to go south for a month in February. We had been planning and saving for awhile, so it seemed like the perfect opportunity to make it happen with my husband working from home.

Our family took the plunge and lived in South Padre, Texas for four weeks. We enjoyed the sunshine, my husband worked on the patio, and we did pool after school. We learned a lot and it wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination. There were sleeping struggles, 40 hours in the car, a crazy winter storm that left us without water, and figuring out how to live and work someplace new. But, it was our adventure, our intentional living experiment. We learned a lot about ourselves and decided this is an experiment we will do again.

For the next three months (and possibly more), I will be exploring more intentional living experiments. I will be completing one experiment a month and journaling my findings to report at the end of each month. Below you will find my Intentional Living Experiments.

Intentional Living Experiments

February: Doing Life Somewhere New/Social Media Break

March: Low Buy Month

April: Walk Everyday

May: Hands on Homeschooling

I chose these experiments because I want to focus and stretch myself in these specific areas. I want to do a Low Buy Month, where our family reduces our consumption on unnecessary items for four weeks and we focus on what we do have instead of what we don’t have. Walking is something I have come to love and I want to make it a priority with a walk everyday experiment. Hands on learning is a struggle for me, especially as we have added kids to our family, and I want to see if it’s something I can incorporate more into our homeschool day.

Additional Intentional Living Experiments

An Intentional Living Experiment doesn’t have to span the course of a month. It can span a day, a week, or whatever feels right. It can be tailored to anyone’s goals and values and is simply a way to see if there is another way.

3 Minutes of Meditation

Water Only

Scripture Memorization

Whole 30

Outside Everyday

Sugar Detox

Track Every Dollar

Tech or Social Media Detox

Read Everyday

No Eating Out

News Detox

Bible Everyday

Only Buy Secondhand

Gratitude Practice

New Clothing Fast

No Yelling

TV Detox

Pray Everyday

A Thank You Note a Day

As I make this list, I am humbled by how many experiments I feel called to. There are so many ways to grow and so many experiments I want to try so I learn more about myself.

Have you ever tried an Intentional Living Experiment? What is an Intentional Living Experiment you could start today?

If you live in America, there is a good chance you have been sold the idea of being busy. We live in a fast paced, hurried, busy culture. While work is good and progress and achievement are things we want to challenge ourselves with, there are times it seems to have gone too far.

Although God created us to work, he also created us to rest. God himself rested on the seventh day after creating the world we live in. So if the God of the universe can fit in some R&R, I’m sure we can as well.

Maybe it seems too overwhelming to find an entire day to rest or even a few hours. Today I want to share some small ways I find rest in the everyday.

Small Ways to Big Rest

Breathe

Yes, we must do it to live. But have you ever taken a minute to notice your breath? To be thankful for it? Shut yourself in a closet if you need to and take deep belly breaths for as long as you can. Maybe it’s just three breaths, maybe it’s five minutes worth. It doesn’t matter how long, just take time to breathe and notice how you feel when you’re done.

Close your eyes

Closing my eyes in this stage of life feels so luxurious. Sometimes when I’m feeling overwhelmed, I will give myself a few minutes to lay on my bed or on the couch and shut my eyes. There might be children coming to climb on top of me or yelling ‘Mom’ in the background, but closing my eyes is one super simple way to find a little rest in the everyday.

Do something you love

Read a few pages in a book, go for a 10 minute walk, sit on the couch and cuddle your baby. Knit, listen to your favorite music, take a nap, pray, hug your husband. Make it a priority to do something you love everyday. It’s my favorite way to rest.

Move your body

Although it may seem backwards to exercise for rest, moving your body is powerful. Whether it’s 10 jumping jacks or a 10 minute workout, it all matters. Exercise helps pump up feel good neurotransmitters, called endorphins. It also reduces the negative effects of stress and improves your mood. If I am feeling worn down, I will do a quick 10 minute workout to move my body and get the endorphins flowing.

Find quiet

Whether it means getting up before your kids or staying up after they are in bed, find some quiet in your day. My day is full to the brim with kids, their requests, and the sounds of all their adventures (and quarrels). It is beautiful and loud and lovely and loud. I wake early to find quiet so I can ready myself for the day ahead.

Rest is a vital part of living more life. Where do you find rest in the everyday?

Every few months, I like to do A Day in the Life post to reflect and remember what our everyday looks like. Here it is…

5:00: Alarm goes off.

5:10: Get up, make our bed, and do a 10 minute Motivated Total Body workout.

5:25: Take a shower and get ready for the day.

5:40: Plan and print papers for the 100th day of school.

5:55: Devotion, Prayer, and Blog work.

6:45: Luke’s alarm goes off and he cuddles with me on the couch.

6:55: Lily and Jude join for cuddles on the couch.

7:10: Kevin feeds the crew breakfast while I tidy the living room, put a load of laundry in, and get rolls out to rise for dinner.

7:30: School begins with seat work. As Luke does his independent work, I work with Lily on counting by 10s and 2s, the sh,th,ch chunks, and she reads a book to me called Clocks.

7:55: Luke is ready for my attention. We work together on graphing, math word problems, and homophones.

8:45: Break time from school. Luke and Lily do a Christmas Baby Yoda Art Hub.

9:00: We meet in the school room to talk about the day, do our Family Ways lesson, and say the pledge.

9:10: We gather on the couch for our Morning Basket. We review states and capitals, read our Jesus Calling devotional, read Uncle Wiggly and Cozy by Jan Brett.

9:45: Today is errands day since tomorrow we are supposed to get a snow storm. We file into the van. The kids read for the first 10 minutes of our drive and then we listen to the Runaway Ralph audiobook. We get to Chick-fil-A in time for a late breakfast/early lunch of chicken minis and yogurt parfaits. We do recycling, stop by the library to pick up Luke’s new books, and do a grocery pick up (so grateful we no longer have to go in for groceries!!!).

11:30: We are back home. The kids play and Jack and I eat.

12:30: Luke and Lily complete their reading lessons with me.

1:20: Luke reads to Lily and Jude.

1:40: The kids get their screen time for the day. We are running a bit behind, but they each get to watch something for 10 minutes. During the week, the show must be considered a ‘learning’ show. Micky Mouse Clubhouse and a space documentary are the choices for today. I do another Motivated workout while they have screen time.

1:55: Jack goes down for nap.

2:30: The kids get their vitamins and go to their rooms for Quiet Time.

2:40: Tidy up the house.

2:50: Practice a Simplicity talk I’m giving to my MOPS group.

3:45: Read for 10 minutes before the kids get up.

4:00: The kids get up and go outside to play.

4:25: Begin dinner prep.

4:45: I talk to my mom on the phone as the kids come inside. They sit at the kitchen counter doing an Art Hub and creating with play dough.

5:00: Jack gets up.

5:15: Kevin comes upstairs and is off work. #praisejesus

5:30: Kevin and I chat while I finish dinner.

6:15: We eat a dinner of chicken noodle soup and rolls together.

6:50: Kevin and I clean up dinner and start baths.

7:15: Jack down for bed.

7:30: We begin the bedtime routine with the older three kids. We read books and do a Nightly Reset.

8:15: I take a shower, tidy up, and collapse on the couch to do some blog work.

9:00: Kevin and I watch The Crown.

9:55: We get ready for bed, check on Jude to be sure he is asleep (and also because watching him sleep is one of my favorite things) and head to bed.

What does a typical day look like at your house?

The month of love is upon us. Valentines and chocolates and paper hearts. I love any reason to celebrate so we celebrate Valentine’s Day big at our house. Today I’m sharing some things I’m loving this season.

What I’m Loving

No more bangs

Praise Jesus for no more bangs. My daughter cut her hair back in September and although she totally rocked her bangs (and Dark Horse Salon saved us and made them look intentional), I am ready for them to be out of her face. She is happy I am pulling them back now and I am happy I am pulling them back now. I’m super thankful Charli Dean Designs sent her these little bows that are perfect to clip back her hair.

The Make-up Eraser

A good friend gifted this to me for my birthday and I know it sounds dramatic, but it’s life changing. No more eye make up remover, no more disposable make-up pads, no more streaked eyeliner across my face. This thing is the real deal and takes off my make up in a couple of swipes.

Charcoal Facial Mask

I love a good mask. This Beautycounter Charcoal Mask is so fun and productive. Not only does it have a fresh peppermint scent, but it makes my face feel so smooth and lovely. I use it once or twice a week and look forward to every time I put it on my face. A bonus that it comes from Beautycounter and uses clean ingredients.

Crop Tops

Not the crop tops of the late 90s. And not the ones showing all the things. I picked out a long sleeve crop top for my birthday and it is conservative and works well with all the high rise pants I’m wearing these days. Since my pants are high and my shirt is cropped, there is no tucking in, which I love. I picked up mine from a boutique, but I like this one from Luluemon.

A slower pace

Winter always brings a slower pace, at least for our family. There is no outside work to be done. No weeds to pull or grass to mow. It is quiet and slow and although I miss seeing people SO MUCH, I enjoy the slower pace of life in the winter.

What are you loving this season??

The month of goals and resolutions is almost over. Right now is about the time we lose steam with our decluttering efforts or the excitement to move our body wanes. Now is the exact time we need to Keep the Momentum.

Whether you set Quarterly Goals, are wanting to Edit A Room, or have something else you’re working towards, now is the time to dig in and keep going. Here are a few ways that have helped me stay the path.

Keep the Momentum

Remember why.

Why do you want to simplify your home? Why do you want to move your body? Why do you want to read more? Remembering why we are doing something is key to keeping the momentum.

I am trying to use my phone 30% less this quarter. My why for this goal is this: I want to be more present for my living, breathing people in front of me. Remembering the why motivates me to put my phone away.

Motivate yourself.

Over 80% of New Year’s goals fail by the second week of February. Knowledge is power. Take the extra step and motivate yourself to continue working towards your goal. Maybe you need to up the ante and reward yourself with an extra long shower after your workout. Or maybe give yourself permission to grab the latte after you declutter the bathroom. Maybe you are hoping to read more. Entice yourself to sit down with a book by putting it on your to-do list and allowing yourself a piece of good chocolate as you read. Think about what will motivate you to take the next step on your journey and put it in play.

Remind yourself about habits.

Most goals or resolutions or words of the year have to do with habits. We want to build a new habit that will help us live the life we want. On average, it takes a person around 66 days for a new habit to become automatic. Circle the 66 day mark on your calendar and keep moving forward. Building a new habit takes work and consistency.

Give yourself grace.

We all mess up. We all miss a day. Don’t let one or two missed or hard days derail your progress. Decide if you miss a day, you won’t let yourself miss two or three in a row. We can be so hard on ourselves and give up because our progress doesn’t meet our expectations. Let’s give ourselves grace and keep at it because it is never hopeless and there is always tomorrow.

We are more capable than we know and with a little determination and intentionality, we can stay the path and continue moving towards our goals. Tell me: how will you keep the momentum?

Resolutions.  Goals.  Mantras.  Plans.  Word of the year.

There are about a million ways to celebrate the New Year and many of them include some kind of goal setting.  Many Americans make fitness or work goals.  Others will land on a reading or decluttering goal.  Still others will make it a goal to learn a new skill or save money.  Whatever the goal, research shows only 8% of Americans actually achieve their New Year’s resolution or goal.  That’s a pretty low number considering all the New Year’s hype.

I don’t have the answer to why New Year’s resolutions don’t stick, but I can guess if other Americans are anything like me, it’s because we get overwhelmed with the prospect of striving to meet a goal for 12 months and then we give up or forget or put it on the back burner.  I am great at justifying a reason to abandon a goal or (full disclosure) I get bored or lazy.  It’s not too hard to give up some arbitrary goal that’s 300+ days from completion.

A few years ago around this time my husband and I started making Quarterly Goals.  Every three months or so we sit down, think through, and write out our Quarterly Goals.  We do this together and while it would be nice to have a long, luxurious date to discuss and ponder them, most of the time it’s done over a quick glass of wine after the kids go down for the night.

Why Quarterly Goals?

Quarterly Goals are more manageable, more motivating, and allow us to achieve wins in just three months. Here are two really good reasons why we choose to do Quarterly Goals.

1. Having a light at the end of the tunnel keeps us motivated to stay on the path.
2. Ninety days is long enough to form a habit. Understanding how habits are major influences in our life is a key breakthrough in being able to lead a life of intention and it can begin with Quarterly Goals.

Our Quarterly Goal process is pretty straight forward, simple, and has renewed my excitement about goal setting and motivated me to actually meet my goals.  Here is our fuss-free process.

Reflect alone.

Take some quiet moments to reflect on the past year or past three months. It goes without saying 2020 was unforgettable. Lots of hard, lots of weird, with some silver lining mixed in. These three questions reflect on the past and look forward to the future.

What was good the last 3 months?

What was hard the last 3 months?

Where I am feeling pulled to make a change?

Do a gut check and answer these questions honestly and thoughtfully. Pray and ask God for direction. Ask your spouse do the same. Choose one to three categories for your goal setting and think through what Quarterly Goals will get you where you want to go.

Here are some examples of goal setting categories to choose from: Diet, Exercise, Faith and Devotion, Financial, Parenting, Marriage, Career, Household, Friends and Mentors, Hobby or Travel.

Sit down and talk.

If you have a spouse, set aside 30 minutes to an hour to share and discuss what your answers were to the reflection questions. You can also do this with a friend, another family member, or an older child.  Welcome feedback and be open to suggestions.

Make the goal specific and actionable.

When creating goals each goal should be actionable.  Make sure the goal is specific and you can see it in action.

Most of us find it easier to conceptualize what we want to accomplish rather than focusing on how we are going to do it. We want smart kids, more financial flexibility, less flab; but how are we going to accomplish those things?

Some examples:

Instead of Get healthy use Go to the gym 2 days a week for the next 12 weeks.

Instead of Save money use Put aside 5% of each paycheck into savings.

Instead of Learn more use Read three times a week instead of watching TV at night.

Make the goal measurable.

At the end of the three months you should be able to tell, without a doubt, if you met your goal or not.  For example, instead of  the goal: Eat Better. Try the goal: Eat at home 6 nights a week.  It’s a specific, actionable goal and while trying to meet the goal, you have a clear standard on what it looks like and if you meet it or not.  Make the goal measurable.

Ask yourself, “How will I know whether I accomplished this or not?”

Keep one thing in mind: the goal that is measurable might be less inspirational than the intention that came behind it. “Lose 30 pounds” is way more exciting than “abstain from sweets for 90 days”. So, as you identify and progress through your quarterly goal, remind yourself WHY you are doing it; this will help keep you on the path.

Write down your Quarterly Goals.

You have heard this before, but it’s true.  Write your goals down.  Research done by Dr. Gail Matthews, a psychology professor at the Dominican University in California, found people who write down goals are 42% more likely to achieve them. 

Keep it simple and use your ‘Notes’ app on your phone or go all out with a whiteboard or bullet journaling.  My husband and I use our ‘Notes’ app to log our Quarterly Goals.  I have kept all past goals there, so it’s interesting to see what we have done and how we can move forward with new goal setting.

If you are just getting started on this, for the first quarter set one to three goals you absolutely know you can accomplish; then start ratcheting them up each quarter. Accomplishing goals is a huge booster in confidence and self-esteem, which in turn helps us to accomplish more things in life.

Not only is it powerful to write your goals down, it’s also powerful to track your progress. Habit tracking can lead to more success in meeting our goals. Use a calendar or your notes app to ‘check off’ each time you complete a step towards your goal. For example, if your goal is to Eat at home 6 days a week, simply put an X on the calendar everyday you eat at home.

Reflect on past goals.

Quarterly Goals offers built in time to check in.  At the end of each quarter, meet and discuss the goals from the last three months and set goals for the next three months.  Reflection on how it went will keep you accountable and help you set your next goals.

Put reminders on your calendars to meet back up in three months to go through this process again. We set goals in January, April, July, and October, but make it work for you and your schedule.

My Quarterly Goals

Because telling the internet your goals really helps with accountability, I’m going to share mine for the next three months with you.  

Goal 1: Cut phone use by 30% by keeping my phone in a drawer when not in use.

Goal 2: Do a morning basket with the kids 3 times a week.

These goals are specific, actionable and measurable.

That’s it for Quarterly Goal Setting.  Tell me, are you a Resolution Setter?  How do you set goals for the coming year?

There is so much to love about this magical month of December. Today I’m sharing a few things I’m loving in the last month of the weirdest year of my life.

Kids Singing Christmas Songs

My babes singing a Christmas song makes my heart happy. We had a little Christmas program with our co-op and have been practicing Away in a Manger and Silent Night for the last few weeks. Little voices singing about the glory of our Savior is something I have been savoring.

We will get another chance to sing along this week with our church’s Christmas online service, An Unexpected Christmas, which will be all online this year. I am so looking forward to this.

Over the past few weeks my kids have also learned the lyrics to All I Want for Christmas is You, which makes me proud. Wink, wink.

Christmas Books

Books is not a category I can call myself a minimalist. Although I do subscribe to the belief of only keeping books I find value in and enjoy, it still adds up to be a lot of books. If I have any collection, it is a book collection and I have a soft spot for children’s Christmas books. Some of my favorites this year: The Story of Holly and Ivy, The Sparkle Box, The Nutcracker, and The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey.

Christmas Pajamas

‘Tis the season for jammies. I’m not a pajama person, as in, I have worn sweats to bed for as long as I can remember. However, I purchased a pair of Target pajamas and have been converted. These jammies are comfy and make me feel just a little bit festive since they are candy cane striped.

My kids have been living in a these and these. I feel like it’s totally appropriate to wear them in public, which may be off base on my part. We splurged on a few pairs of pajamas this year since there was less of a need for dressier duds.

Hot Chocolate Bombs

I can’t get enough of these, especially with a little decaf nespresso mixed in. They have been a fun little treat for our family this season. I’ve heard you can make your own. If you are the kind of person who likes to melt chocolate in the microwave (I am not), here is the simplest recipe I found for hot chocolate bombs.

Supporting Friends and Small Businesses

In a year when businesses have had to shut their doors for various lengths of time, it feels good to support real people living out their passion. Supporting friends with small businesses and side hustles has been something I have tried to do the past several months as well as supporting small (sometimes local) shops. A few of my favorites: Natural Joy Boutique, Charli Dean Designs, Lottie Mae Made, Wax Buffalo, Alice and Ames, Childhoods Clothing, Dark Horse Salon, RAR Premium, and Motivated. There are so many small businesses out there with real people filling orders, making the goods, doing the work. Buying from people I know is something I am loving this season.

There is so much to love about December, even this year. What are you loving right now?