Author: Vanessa

Toys.  If play is the work of the child, toys are the tools to help children in their work.  My kids have lots of ‘tools’ in their toolbox. And sometimes their tools do too much.  They sing, dance, talk, count, light up, and take all the imagining out of the play.  The tools end up doing all the work for my littles and they are left bored, unappreciative, and craving something more.  Like a new toy for example.  A toy that does something different than the toy they were just playing with three minutes ago.  (Can anyone relate?) They need a new shot of dopamine to continue their play.  And the cycle continues.

Contrast that scene to one with a basket of wooden blocks and toy cars.  These are some of my kids’ most beloved toys, although they don’t even know it.  When these emerge from the closet after sitting on the sidelines for awhile, hours of play ensue.  This play is not always without issue, but is all encompassing and engaging.  They create and imagine.  They devise rules and keep them and break them.  They get bossy with each other, construct towns, fabricate a world all their own, come to me with problems.  It isn’t a picture of play from a toy commercial, but one with real engagement and some very real hiccups here and there.

When I think about which scene I want in my home, it is an easy choice.  However, if I want lots of deep play and not a lot of surface-y play, I need to be intentional about the toys coming into our home.

Toys matter.  They are the tools our children use day in and day out to understand the world around them.  They are valuable and important.  And the question is: What kind of toys should our children be using as tools?

Claire McCarthy, a pediatrician at Boston Children’s Hospital and assistant professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical school, writes:

Every holiday season, parents are inundated with ads for toys that will make their child happier, smarter and more successful. They usually involve the latest technology, make noises or are unique in some other way — and are often expensive. Or, they are spin-offs from the latest movie or the latest edition of a popular video game.  As a pediatrician, the ads make me sad — because they are rarely for toys that actually help children be happier, smarter, or more successful.

McCarthy’s article titled, The 3 kinds of toys that really help your child, list simpler toys such as blocks, materials for writing, dolls, cars, dress up clothes, a play kitchen, games, tents, balls and jump ropes among other toys that help children in their development and health.

All of these toys fit under three umbrellas: Toys that require imagination, Toys that encourage interaction, and Toys that get your child moving.  These three categories can be a guide to choosing which toys remain in our homes and which toys are intentionally taken out.

Payne and Ross write in Simplicity Parenting: If you give a child less and less complexity, they become more interested, and this cultivates true powers of attention.

What if we look at toys as tools and only keep the ones helping our children do their work?  What if we get rid of the excess in our playrooms and toy bins to make room for the more valuable toys?  What if we give our children the gift of less so they can enjoy their play more?

By simplifying the number and complexity of our children’s toys, we give them liberty to build their own imaginary worlds.  When children are not being told what to want, and what to imagine, they can learn to follow their own interests, to trust their own emerging voices.  They can discover what genuinely speaks to them.  -Simplicity Parenting

What are some of your kids’ favorite toys (maybe ones they don’t even know are their favorites)?  What do they go back to day after day after day?  I would love to know!

My oldest son is developmentally in the stage of collecting.  He loves to keep brochures, ticket stubs, and even his deposit slips when we take his piggy to the bank.  He keeps all his stuffed animals and books surrounding his head on his bed and keeps his cars and trains lined up so when he’s ready to play with them, they are, too.  Decluttering toys is not at the forefront of his mind.  He isn’t itching to get into his room and say good-bye to his used-to-be-favorites.  He is perfectly happy keeping every single thing in his room because if you ask him, they are all his favorite.  But, being around 29 years older than him with a little life experience behind me, I know if they are all his favorite things than none of them can be his favorite things.

Part of my job as a parent is to instruct, guide, and give experiences so my littles can learn how to navigate this life.  It’s gently nudging them in the direction of being a happy, kind, polite, loving human.  My purpose as a parent is to love them and within that love comes a desire to guide them on life’s journey.

Just like we teach our kids how to brush their teeth, to look both ways before crossing the street, and to not pick their noses (why is it so hard??), Kevin and I have chosen to teach our babes about living with enough.  We are on a journey here, we have not yet arrived, so we give ourselves a lot of grace.  One of the ways we are teaching them about living with enough is to do a regular toy declutter.

Do toys seem to replicate themselves in your home?  We are past Christmas and still things seem to grow feet and wander into our playroom and toy bins.  Kevin and I don’t buy a lot of toys, but somehow they accumulate from outside sources over the course of a few months.  So, usually after a holiday or birthday or even a change of season, we will go through and do a good declutter.  A declutter is different than a purge.  If you are looking to do a big purge, check out this post.  Today is all about a quick 15-30 minute toy declutter, preferably with your kids.

I will be transparent, this is not the most anticipated event for our oldest, Luke.  He loves his things, but he knows when I say we need to find some things to donate, it’s happening whether he likes it or not.  Please don’t misread me, my children don’t live with barren walls with a single toy car sitting on their dresser.  They are not lacking in the toy department, but still, letting go can be hard, especially when it’s being learned.

The first time we did a toy declutter, it was a bit painful.  There were no tears, but there was push-back and my kids are all under five.  There could have been whining involved, but in the end the declutter was completed, toys were donated, and since then every toy declutter has gotten a bit easier.  So a heads up: Your first toy declutter will not be easy if you’re including your kids.

Okay let’s get down to it:

How to do a Toy Declutter

1. Decide if you will involve your kids.

Before you begin, decide if your kids will be involved or if they will sit on the sidelines.  If they are under three, I think it’s best to do it yourself.  Kids under three aren’t going to get much out of it.  However, if your kids are over the age of three, I think it’s a great learning experience for them to be involved with the process.

2. Tell your kids you are going to do a toy declutter.

Your first toy declutter could involve some whining and questions, but know it will get easier.  Explain to your kids other children could get use out of the toys they no longer play with or use.  Maybe they have a younger cousin or friend they could gift the unused toys to or maybe the donation box is the way to go.  Churches, daycares, and schools are other great places for gently used toys.

3. Start small.

Ask your kids to find a certain number of toys to donate or give to another child.  I suggest starting with 3-5 items or if you have an over abundance of toys, maybe you can start with more.  They will need a lot of guidance here.  Have them look for toys they no longer play with or fish out any broken toys.  If there are toys you are hoping will make an exit, you can make suggestions.

One thing I learned is to try and always honor things they choose to let go, within reason.  If a child wants to give away a car you gave them for Christmas and it’s February, question them a bit, but if they’re adamant, let them make the choice.  Obviously if they choose something they play with often, remind them of that and then go from there.  Reasoning with toddlers and little kids is not easy, but remind yourself you are doing this to teach them as well as keep yourself sane.

4. Celebrate

You did it!  They did it!  Praise your kids for being generous and allowing other kids to get use out of the toys they no longer use.  If it’s their first time, consider doing something special like having ice cream after dinner or letting them play at the park an extra ten minutes.  Wrap the declutter up on a positive note.

Showing our kids how to be generous and grateful for the things we have is a lesson worth teaching. Decluttering the toys is a win for everyone involved.  Put it on your calendar and make it a new family rhythm that comes with the seasons.

I would love to know…how do you declutter the toys in your home?

Somewhere between birthdays and Christmas, entitlement crept in.  My two older children have birthdays at the beginning of November and the road to Christmas can sometimes be long and whiny.  After their birthdays, they came to expect (and crave) that exciting shot of dopamine that comes with something new.  Their new toys were piled, stacked, and organized with their old ones and they became increasingly more whiny, more needy, and less content with what they had.  They were counting down the days until Christmas when they could receive even more new and shiny things to add to their piles and stacks.

During this trek between the two ‘holidays’ I realized we needed a good declutter.  They needed less to appreciate what they had more.  So, we went through, got rid of the excess and put away less-played-with-toys in the toy closet to be rotated out from time to time.

Has this ever happened to you?  Your kids have every toy imaginable at their fingertips and yet still they are cranky, dissatisfied, and claim they have nothing to do.  I’ve started to wonder if kids get bored with an abundance of toys at their fingertips, will more really help?

A quote from Simplicity Parenting got me thinking.  Payne and Ross write: ‘As you decrease the quantity of your child’s toys and clutter, you increase their attention and their capacity for deep play.’  I want my kids engrossed in deep play.  Please?  I want them to use their imaginations and create and play without the need for something to entertain them. I want them to have a childhood of free play and whimsy and joy.

Numerous studies have been done on children, toys, and play.  In Clutterfree with Kids, Joshua Becker sites a study done by two German public health workers who conducted an experiment in a kindergarten classroom.  They took all the toys out of the classroom (can you imagine?) for three months.  The study showed the kids were initially bored at the beginning of the experiment but eventually began to use their surroundings and invented games and tapped into their imagination in their play.

Another study was completed this past year by occupational therapist, Alexia Metz, of the University of Ohio in Toledo who was interested if the number of toys affected how a child played.  She conducted an experiment where children, ages 18-30 months, were placed in two separate laboratory playrooms on two different visits.  One playroom held four toys while the other held sixteen.  The study concluded a child played longer with the same toy in the playroom with four toys than the playroom with sixteen.  It also showed the play to be better in the playroom with four toys and the children used the toys more creatively in the four-toy playroom.

Play is the ‘work’ of a child.  I am a big believer in allowing time and space for lots of play.  Children learn, grow, and experience the world through play.  They figure out how things work, use their imagination to create, and build social awareness when playing with others.  All of these things are life skills, vital for children to grow into kind, compassionate, successful adults.

If we want children to figure things out, to create, to build social awareness, we need to provide opportunities for them to do so.  Many times kids do this everyday when they are playing at home, daycare or school.  No structure, planned activities, or lesson plans needed.  However, giving children an abundance of toys that do the figuring out and the creating for them can stifle their learning through play.  For young children, the more thinking or intelligence built into a toy, the less thinking or intelligence there is in engaging with the toy. Allowing children an unintentional, unlimited amount of screen time can impede on their social awareness.

Toys matter.  And I think less can be more.

We are big about choices in our house.  Would you like your green plate or your construction plate?  Would you like milk or water?  Would you like to wear your tractor shirt or your excavator shirt today?  Would you like to play with magnatiles or wooden blocks?  However, there have been moments I have offered my son a choice between two things and he has chosen something not on the menu.  Has this every happened to you?  Carl Jung, a well known psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, concluded childhood toys are ritual objects with powerful meaning.  When kids have a mountain of toys to choose from there are so many options they find none of them to have real value.  They often insist on something else.  Given so many choices, children learn to undervalue them all and hold out for whatever elusive thing isn’t offered.  This resonates with me because my oldest has done just this.  He holds out for an elusive choice that isn’t even an option.  And I think sometimes it’s because he has been given too many choices.

Are you sold, yet, that our children need less toys?  In Simplicity Parenting, Payne and Ross write:  ‘Nothing in the middle of a heap can be truly valued.  The attention that a child could and would devote to a toy is shortened, and eclipsed by having too many.  Instead of expanding their attention, we keep it shallow and unexercised by our compulsive desire to provide more and more and more.’

I am going to be real.  We have a lot of toys in our home.  We are still learning about what enough looks like for us.  What is enough for each family will absolutely look different.  I am sharing information I have learned because I have found the evidence to be overwhelmingly clear that when it comes to toys, less is more.

Less toys, more contentment.  Less toys with batteries (not included), more creativity.  Less options, more joy.

It’s around 10:00 a.m. on a Tuesday.  My daughter Lily comes in the living room where I’m playing blocks with Luke.  She has on a red ‘twirly’ dress, plastic high heels, and Christmas socks.

Forty minutes later Lily does pirouettes in her blue sparkly princess dress in the kitchen as she sings ‘Jingle Bells’.  (I’m not sure why, but my kids are obsessed with that song.)

It’s now around 1:00 p.m. on that same Tuesday.  Lily shouts from her room ‘Mom, my shirt is stuck!’  I walk into her room just as she is pulling down her floral top over her floral leggings.  She completes the look with a pastel necklace.

Three hours later, Lily walks out of her room with black leggings and a black long sleeved top on.  Her hair is sticking up from her nap and she will later change back into her floral leggings and top and then later on into her blue flowered swimsuit and finally into her favorite stained Valentine pajamas right before bed.

My girl loves clothes.  She cannot get enough of twirly dresses and matching her momma and high heels.   She is easy to buy for because a dress or a new pair of socks make her giddy.  Although my girl loves curating outfits and creates a laundry pile the size of our family laundry basket day in and day out, she doesn’t have a ton of clothes.  She wears what she loves everyday (all of what she loves).  And it’s usually the same five or six outfits.

Those floral leggings get worn at least every other day.  The two twirly dresses she has right now are both her favorites.  For awhile her drawers were full of pants and shirts and tutus and dresses and skirts.  And she could care less.  Day in and day out she pulls out the same things to tug over her head and pull on her legs.  Even my girl-y girl who loves clothes is implementing a capsule wardrobe without even knowing it.

Capsule wardrobes for kids just make sense.  Kids, especially young kids, outgrow clothes almost every season.  They will wear something for 3-6 months, maybe 9 months or a year if you live in a temperate climate and then never be able to fit into it again.  A wardrobe consisting of pieces that can be mixed and matched allows kids to wear their favorites everyday without dressers and closets stuffed full with clothes.

Although I can be a number person at times, I don’t think there is a magic number of clothes a child should have in a closet.  Gathering the ‘right’ number of clothes will look different for each child and each family.  Maybe your child needs clothes for soccer or baseball or dance.  Maybe your child needs pieces to meet a uniform requirement at school as well as clothes for outside life and activities.  Each family’s lifestyle will determine how much is enough.

But, I think our kids can live with less than we think.  Choosing a capsule wardrobe for your child or children each season makes life a bit easier with less choices, less stuff, less money spent, and more of wearing what they love everyday.

Will you implement a capsule wardrobe for your littles this spring?  I would love to hear your thoughts.