Somewhere between birthdays and Christmas, entitlement crept in. My two older children have birthdays at the beginning of November and the road to Christmas can sometimes be long and whiny. After their birthdays, they came to expect (and crave) that exciting shot of dopamine that comes with something new. Their new toys were piled, stacked, and organized with their old ones and they became increasingly more whiny, more needy, and less content with what they had. They were counting down the days until Christmas when they could receive even more new and shiny things to add to their piles and stacks.
During this trek between the two ‘holidays’ I realized we needed a good declutter. They needed less to appreciate what they had more. So, we went through, got rid of the excess and put away less-played-with-toys in the toy closet to be rotated out from time to time.
Has this ever happened to you? Your kids have every toy imaginable at their fingertips and yet still they are cranky, dissatisfied, and claim they have nothing to do. I’ve started to wonder if kids get bored with an abundance of toys at their fingertips, will more really help?
A quote from Simplicity Parenting got me thinking. Payne and Ross write: ‘As you decrease the quantity of your child’s toys and clutter, you increase their attention and their capacity for deep play.’ I want my kids engrossed in deep play. Please? I want them to use their imaginations and create and play without the need for something to entertain them. I want them to have a childhood of free play and whimsy and joy.
Numerous studies have been done on children, toys, and play. In Clutterfree with Kids, Joshua Becker sites a study done by two German public health workers who conducted an experiment in a kindergarten classroom. They took all the toys out of the classroom (can you imagine?) for three months. The study showed the kids were initially bored at the beginning of the experiment but eventually began to use their surroundings and invented games and tapped into their imagination in their play.
Another study was completed this past year by occupational therapist, Alexia Metz, of the University of Ohio in Toledo who was interested if the number of toys affected how a child played. She conducted an experiment where children, ages 18-30 months, were placed in two separate laboratory playrooms on two different visits. One playroom held four toys while the other held sixteen. The study concluded a child played longer with the same toy in the playroom with four toys than the playroom with sixteen. It also showed the play to be better in the playroom with four toys and the children used the toys more creatively in the four-toy playroom.
Play is the ‘work’ of a child. I am a big believer in allowing time and space for lots of play. Children learn, grow, and experience the world through play. They figure out how things work, use their imagination to create, and build social awareness when playing with others. All of these things are life skills, vital for children to grow into kind, compassionate, successful adults.
If we want children to figure things out, to create, to build social awareness, we need to provide opportunities for them to do so. Many times kids do this everyday when they are playing at home, daycare or school. No structure, planned activities, or lesson plans needed. However, giving children an abundance of toys that do the figuring out and the creating for them can stifle their learning through play. For young children, the more thinking or intelligence built into a toy, the less thinking or intelligence there is in engaging with the toy. Allowing children an unintentional, unlimited amount of screen time can impede on their social awareness.
Toys matter. And I think less can be more.
We are big about choices in our house. Would you like your green plate or your construction plate? Would you like milk or water? Would you like to wear your tractor shirt or your excavator shirt today? Would you like to play with magnatiles or wooden blocks? However, there have been moments I have offered my son a choice between two things and he has chosen something not on the menu. Has this every happened to you? Carl Jung, a well known psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, concluded childhood toys are ritual objects with powerful meaning. When kids have a mountain of toys to choose from there are so many options they find none of them to have real value. They often insist on something else. Given so many choices, children learn to undervalue them all and hold out for whatever elusive thing isn’t offered. This resonates with me because my oldest has done just this. He holds out for an elusive choice that isn’t even an option. And I think sometimes it’s because he has been given too many choices.
Are you sold, yet, that our children need less toys? In Simplicity Parenting, Payne and Ross write: ‘Nothing in the middle of a heap can be truly valued. The attention that a child could and would devote to a toy is shortened, and eclipsed by having too many. Instead of expanding their attention, we keep it shallow and unexercised by our compulsive desire to provide more and more and more.’
I am going to be real. We have a lot of toys in our home. We are still learning about what enough looks like for us. What is enough for each family will absolutely look different. I am sharing information I have learned because I have found the evidence to be overwhelmingly clear that when it comes to toys, less is more.
Less toys, more contentment. Less toys with batteries (not included), more creativity. Less options, more joy.
